Archive for February, 2008
Scarlett Johannson could be yours for an entire evening. Provided you have a buttload of cash and win a charity auction on eBay. Scarlett goes up for bidding on Sunday, so start digging in those couch cushions. You’ll get a chance to help the needy and possibly see some ScarJo cleavage. It reminds me of that passage in the Bible about caring for others: “And so Jesus said to Thomas, ‘Dude, I totally need to touch that chick at the well’s cones. Go get me a blind dude to heal. STAT. For real, that move is guaranteed to get me to No-Pants-rusalem.’ And Thomas did as the Lord commandeth thus securing his heavenly position of righteous wing-man.” 2 Superficialonians 5:19 (KJV).
Photos: Getty Images
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February 29th, 2008
A Toronto man nicknamed Pauly Unstoppable has been the first person to receive an experimental “eyeball tattoo”. Basically a tattoo artist injected blue ink into Pauly’s eye until it was completely blue — some 40+ injections! Continue Reading»
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February 29th, 2008
Hayden Panettiere poses provocatively for the new Candies ad campaign and if that’s not news, I don’t know what is. I also included shots of Hayden looking chesty while apartment shopping with her mom yesterday. Okay, maybe Hayden’s not really news, but it’s seriously, no jokes, my birthday today so humor me. And if you’re really nice, I’ll let you have some of the cake I made. Which may or may not be a bottle of Jack Daniels covered in frosting. (Hint: It is.)
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February 29th, 2008
Paris Hilton poses topless for the latest issue of 944 Magazine. I can’t tell if she’s trying to be sexy in these pictures, or really has to go to the bathroom. It’s like “Ooh, yeah, I’m Paris Hilton and I’ve got to piss like a race horse. Isn’t that hot?” I dunno, I guess - sort of. But you know what’s really hot? Drinking anti-freeze. I mean, wow, e to the rotic. And, hey, I’ve got some right here. You go first, sexy girl. Mmm, yum yum!
Photos: 944 Magazine, Splash News
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February 28th, 2008
While Britney Spears’ insanity was determined not to be a federal case, Heath Ledger’s death is getting the federal treatment. Two doctors are currently being scrutinized by federal drug investigators, according to NY Daily News:
The doctors - one in California, one in Texas - are believed to have supplied the “Brokeback Mountain” star with the powerful painkillers Oxycontin and Vicodin, law enforcement sources said. Authorities want to know if the drugs were prescribed illegally. “It’s an ongoing investigation,” a law enforcement source told The News Tuesday. “It’s not clear if there was any wrongdoing.”
Somehow I hope Sam Lutfi is blamed for this. And also Pete Wentz. Then they have to share a jail cell in Guantanamo Bay with a Heath Ledger fan named RazorCock McButtLover. Dear Jesus, if you’re up there, please make this happen. I’ll be a good boy for the rest of the year, I promise. I’ll eat all my vegetables and go to church. Though I can’t promise not to bring my Gameboy because, Christ, that shit is boring. Amen.
Photo: Getty Images
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February 28th, 2008
Heidi Montag can’t do anything without it becoming a totally staged photo shoot. I bet she goes to the bathroom and gives the toilet paper roll a thumbs up and a smile. Here she is shopping at Kitson while cameramen film her for MySpace Presents: The Fit on MySpace Celebrity. I have no idea what that is, nor do I want to know. I’ll just end up wanting to firebomb everyone that uses MySpace. So watch out pervs, 15-year-old girls and, most of all, Dane Cook.
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February 28th, 2008
Diablo Cody’s tale is a touching story of feminine strength and following your dreams. It should really be turned into a movie that I have my fingers crossed will air on the Spice Channel. Diablo used to be a stripper and managed to work her way off the pole to become an award winning screenwriter. She wrote Juno which earned this buxom writer a Spirit Award and a little something called the Oscar. Maybe you’ve heard of it. Her victory was an inspiration to a group of dancers who, in defiance of God’s will, we’re allowed to stop dancing and watch the Academy Awards, according to Page Six:
Meanwhile, the topless talents at Rick’s Cabaret NY were so excited about Cody being up for Best Screenplay Sunday night, they stopped dancing and stayed glued to the mammary mecca’s big-screen TVs as the winner was announced. They burst into tears when they heard Cody’s name. “She proves that if you follow your dreams, anything can come true,” gushed Charlotte, a busty brunette. The girls have even made a plaque for Cody that reads in part: “Dedicated to Diablo Cody, who has taken our calling to new levels.”If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to help these naked dreamers get a little bit closer to their goal by throwing dollar bills at them. *looks in wallet* Did I say dollar bills? I meant pennies. Lots and lots of pennies. Or, as I like to call them, “tiny copper dream circles” that I may or may not have found in the restroom.
Photos: Getty Images
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February 27th, 2008
While stars partied out on the Oscars Night, Beyonce spent a quite evening by herself out at her favorite spot - La Esquina in New York City.
The Dreamgirls star is getting ready to start filming her new movie “Cadillac Records”, in which she’ll be portraying legendary soul singer Etta James.
She is also co-producing the film and is really excited about it.
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February 27th, 2008
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