Archive for February 11th, 2008
Jennifer Love Hewitt did a little shopping yesterday sporting a tank top that reads “Save the Future.” Of course, it took me three hours to realize it said more than “Save”. Anyway, I’m glad to see Jennifer is advertising our efforts. You see, her and I are working together to make the future a brighter place. I’m drinking all the whiskey I can get my hands on, and Jennifer Love is eating, well, all the Haagen Daaz. I don’t like to brag, but I think we’re making a difference. We’re like a more effective version of the U.N. – but with bigger boobs. Take that, Pitt-Jolies! You got served.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin
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February 11th, 2008
Actor Roy Scheider passed away yesterday at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences hospital in Little Rock. Roy was battling multiple myeloma for the past two years. He was 75. The AP reports:
He was perhaps best known for his role as a small-town police chief in Steven Spielberg’s 1975 film “Jaws,” about a killer shark terrorizing beachgoers — as well as millions of moviegoers.
In 2005, one of Scheider’s most famous lines in the movie — “You’re gonna need a bigger boat” — was voted No. 35 on the American Film Institute’s list of best quotes from U.S. movies.
This was sad news to me because I freaking loved Jaws growing up. I mean, shit, I wanted to be Jaws. At least until my doctor told me I didn’t have a dorsal fin. Or gills. That was this morning actually. It was pretty embarrassing considering I’d just bitten him in the leg then tried to breast stroke away on the linoleum. Awkward.For all you Jaws fan out there I included the hilarious parody/trailer mash-up “Must Love Jaws” after the jump. Rest in Peace, Roy.
Photo: Getty Images
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February 11th, 2008
Charlize Theron received the Hasty Pudding’s Woman of the Year award yesterday at Harvard. Surrounded by drag queens and pumped full of hard cider, Charlize was asked which is better: Her Hasty Pudding pot or an Oscar? People reports:
“I know you want me to say that the Oscar sucks and this is better,” she said. “There are no men in drag at the Oscars like there are here. I’ve never been surrounded by so many fake breasts.”
Then again, considering Hollywood’s penchant for plastic surgery, she added, “Actually, I think I was at the Oscars.”
What’s wrong with fake boobs, Charlize? Why you be hatin’? Those fake mounds of awesomeness put food on my table. And by food on my table I mean Pabst Blue Ribbon in my mini-fridge. I don’t even own a table. Or furniture. In fact, I’m sitting on a homeless guy’s back right now. I pay him in Doritos.NOTE: If I dressed in drag, do you think Charlize Theron would let me smack her ass? You know, without pressing charges or pepper spraying me in the nostril.
Photos: Pacific Coast News
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February 11th, 2008
