Archive for February 14th, 2008
Look, everybody, it’s the mentally-challenged yet awesomely augmented superhero Valentine’s Girl! Yay! She’s here to ward off loneliness and broken hearts with a barrage of nipples. Also she’s wielding her, uh, trusty baton covered in tin-foil. I have no fucking clue but God bless her retarded heart. Thanks, Valentine’s Girl!NOTE: These are actually NSFW shots of British TV personality Katie “Jordan” Price at a book-signing this morning for her third autobiography “Jordan: Pushed to the Limit.” I had no idea her life required not one but three novels. Yet somehow none of them are part of Oprah’s Book Club. What a travesty.
Photos: Getty Images
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February 14th, 2008
Paris Hilton could teach Natalie Portman a thing or two about launching a shoe line. While Paris actually pressed the flesh and possibly infected a small child, Natalie Portman decided to play diva at her own shoe launch by showing up 45 minutes late, according to Page Six:
She gave 15 minutes of interviews before going back into hiding. Guests waited impatiently while sipping on Casa Lapostolle wines, which Portman chose because they are organic and biodynamic to go along with her vegan shoe line. The actress returned, reports a spy, “However, she showed up with only five minutes remaining before the party ended.”
Vegan shoe line? Are they made of tofu? Please. I don’t need hippie/diva Natalie Portman telling me what kind of shoes to wear. If I want to tie a pork chop to each of my feet, that’s my right to look rugged and awesome. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to the butcher shop for some mutton loafers. I’ve got a hot date tonight and I want to look fancy as hell, son.
Photos: Getty Images
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February 14th, 2008
Gary Coleman secretly wed a woman 18 years younger than him. The 40-year-old cowboy(?) married 22-year-old Shannon Price of Utah. Gary finally lost his virginity and claims to have found the woman with the right amount of looks and intelligence. Now he has someone to throw things at. Awww. Page Six reports:
Price said height wasn’t a consideration because, “He was 10 feet tall to me because he was sweet.” Still, the relationship isn’t without its problems. “He lets his anger conquer him sometimes,” Price admitted. “He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction.”
I don’t see what the big problem is. Gary Coleman likes to throw shit. Sheesh, wear kneepads. Or do that move where you put your hand on his head and he frantically bats at the air. That’s the cornerstone to a good marriage. Or midget wrangling. Same thing. Now where’s my little Oompa Loompa bride? Hey, get out of the cookie jar! You know I hate footprints on my Chips Ahoy, woman.
Photo: Splash News
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February 14th, 2008
