Archive for February 21st, 2008
Christina Ricci attended the premiere of her new movie Penelope last night in LA. What I admire most about Christina Ricci is how she balances her acting career with her sacred duties to bake fresh batches of E.L. Fudge’s every night in a tree. I tried to find that tree once but gave up after a bear ate my Indian guide’s arm. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have sprayed the chief with honey then kicked a sleeping bear in the stomach. Live and learn, I guess.NOTE: I like how Reese Witherspoon showed up to the premiere looking like your mom. Before the show, she probably turned to her stylist and said “Make me look 40 - but with menopause!” Mission accomplished.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News
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February 21st, 2008
Jennifer Lopez is concerned that a plot may be afoot to kidnap her newborn twins. Her husband Marc Anthony made sure security is tight at North Shore University Hospital, according to Life & Style:
The hospital reportedly stepped up its security drills, which involve locking down the hospital in case a baby is kidnapped or otherwise vanishes. “They practiced the alerts twice a week in early February,” says a staffer. “That definitely had to do with J.Lo.”
“Babies have been kidnapped before,” a friend notes. “Jennifer had obvious concerns about security.”
Who would want to steal J-Lo’s offspring? Either the government for some crazy X-Files shit. Or Ben Affleck. Yeah, that’s right, I said it: Ben motherfucking Affleck. He might look all innocent but that guy has baby-stealer written all over him. I saw Daredevil. He’s capable of some seriously messed up stuff. I’m blowing this case wide open!UPDATE: Jennifer Garner just kicked down my cubicle and continually karate chopped me in the groin. I retract my comments about Ben Affleck. Also - no, I can’t say it. Don’t make me! *nad chop* Okay! Daredevil should’ve won an Oscar! Are you happy? Oh, God, I feel so dirty. I’ll never get over this. I - Ooh! Who brought donuts?
Photo: Getty Images
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February 21st, 2008
Ellen DeGeneres, like any red-blooded man, found herself awestruck by the mammary glands of Christina Aguilera. Christina stopped by Ellen’s show today, and Ellen asked the question that’s on everyone’s minds. People reports:
“You look great. One question: Are you nursing?”
A blushing Aguilera responded: “I guess it’s a little obvious,” and DeGeneres quipped back, “It’s going to be a healthy baby boy.”
But it wasn’t just tits and nipples. It was also about wangs. Notably balloons shaped like wangs as Christina divulged her horribly apropos choice of decorations for her son Max’s bris:
“We are not a very conservative couple,” she told DeGeneres. “For decorations we put up penis balloons all over the place. It was really fun, it was really great.” A stunned Ellen replied: ” “Really, they have penis balloons in a shop … you can just buy them?”
But then Ellen quickly realized her folly. She said the word “penis.” That mammoth-chested bitch tricked her! But before Ellen could react it was too late. She was transported back to her home dimesion - never to return. On that note, Ellen’s show will now be replaced by “The Christina Aguilera Boob Hour.” If you’ll excuse me, I need to set my TiVo and buy a whole lot of maple syrup. Uh, because I’m making waffles. Yeah, waffles…Super chesty video of the interview after the jump.
Photos: Splash News
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February 21st, 2008
