Archive for February 22nd, 2008
Will Ferrell got to take part in a photo shoot for Sports Illustrated with a bikini-clad Heidi Klum. I guess it’s a promotional thing for his new movie Semi-Pro, I dunno, but that’s not important right now. What is important is Heidi Klum in a bikini. Now that’s smart marketing. You could sell me Sparkling AIDS in a can and I’d drink it if Heidi Klum in a bikini told me to. Hell, I’ll drink some right now. Just for you, Heidi. Granted, Sparkling AIDS isn’t invented yet, but I’ve got some Fresca. So close enough. *sips* Oh, God, my immune system. I love you, Heidi! *sips* Yup, my pancreas just burst. Man down!
Photos: Sports Illustrated
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February 22nd, 2008
Jennifer Lopez gave birth to a J-Boy and J-Girl early this J-Morning. Okay, this is getting J-tarded. Anyway, mom and kids are healthy and People has the exclusive details instead of me – again. Jerks:
The babies were born early Friday in Long Island, N.Y. The girl was born at 12:12 a.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz., and the boy followed at 12:23 a.m., weighing 6 lbs.
“Jennifer and Marc are delighted, thrilled and over the moon,” Lopez’s manager Simon Fields tells PEOPLE exclusively.
While I didn’t have the exclusive birth details, I do have this statement issued by Marc Anthony’s sworn enemy He-Man:”I’d like to extend a heartfelt congratulations to Skeletor from all of us here at Castle Greyskull. Enjoy this magical time with your precious miracles. I look forward to battling over the fate of Eternia in the near future. I also anxiously await a newly-inspired J-Lo’s return to the studio. I’m a huge fan. If that surprises you, c’mon, I wear nothing but fur underwear and boots. You do the math. He he! Tootles!”He-Man then issued an additional statement:”Just to be clear I like to party with dudes. Call me, sillies! Ciao!”He was last seen riding off with Battle-Cat to get Mango Smoothies. No whipped cream because “that’s for fatties.”
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February 22nd, 2008
The above picture is a simulation of how Britney Spears will look at age 36. It was done by the folks at www.ageprogession.org who factored in Britney’s current fast food diet, drug and alcohol use and apparently receding hair line. They also produced a shot of Britney at 46 who I guess, in the midst of a mid-life crisis, decide being blonde is sexier. These pictures are pretty amazing considering I always pictured Britney buried in a coffin by 30. Thanks to science I now know she’ll lead a rich, full life surrounded by cats and old copies of Reader’s Digest. Outstanding.
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February 22nd, 2008
