Archive for March, 2008
Kate Beckinsale gives the greatest interviews in the history of interviewography. Recently she commented that she’d rather eat a certain female part than eat sushi. Moviefone quizzed Kate about her comment during an interview for her new movie Snow Angels:
6. You told an interviewer you’d rather eat a vagina than sushi. When stuff you say makes headlines, what’s the reaction of your publicity team?I have to say, sushi freaks me out more than almost anything. At least a vagina would be warm. [laughs] My publicist has literally turned a funny color and is going to go have a lie-down. He’s throwing up now, as well. I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what’s on my mind, and then get nine texts from all my friends going, “What’s the matter with you?” But I haven’t ever made a big attempt to have any particular image. And I don’t really worry about it.
Obviously, Kate’s publicist doesn’t know the definition of “HOLY FUCKING SHIT AWESOME!” which, according to my dictionary, is: “adj. 1. Kate Beckinsale dining in vagina town. 2. Hayden Panettiere passed out on my couch. 3. Ashton Kutcher’s death by way of butt cancer.” On bookshelves soon!
Photos: Getty Images
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March 22nd, 2008
Have you heard the Good News? Simona Fusco Stratten is freaking hot! I wonder if she’ll come to my house and help me find Easter eggs. Because, seriously, it’s been over a year and the smell is making me dizzy.See you on Monday when I’ll be hopped up on delicious Cadbury Creme Eggs. Thanks, Jesus, who’s technically the living dead. Your zombie holiday rocks!Happy Easter, everybody!
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March 22nd, 2008
Fergie is an admitted former methhead and shared with Marie Claire some of her drop dead riotous adventures in paranoia. Fergie was so sure the government was after her that they were hiding in baked goods. ABC News reports:
“I had about 20 different conspiracy theories. I painted the windows in my apartment black so they couldn’t see in,” Fergie told Marie Claire, explaining that she thought the FBI was after her during her brief addiction to methamphetamines around 2001.
“One day, when I was about 90 pounds, a guy comes up to me. … I’m searching in the bushes for clues about whatever they’re after me for. I’m in a cowboy hat and red lips. He hands me a muffin. I’m thinking, he’s in on it,” Fergie said.
You know what compliments a good drug story? Baby bump pictures! That’s good, old-fashioned awkwardness. These shots were taken last night and there’s no denying Josh Duhamel hates his penis. He impregnated Fergie which must’ve been like knocking up an anatomically correct wax statue – of a man. But without the usual erotic undertones of such an act. I’m, uh, not allowed in a lot of museums these days…Thanks to Stormy Towers and his brother Cloudy Bungalow.
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March 21st, 2008
Here’s a short clip of Britney Spears on How I Met Your Mother. She actually does a decent job acting and I believe her character can read. I mean, ha, Britney Spears reading. Could you imagine? LFMAOCCMFGMYS! The writers also took quite a risk having Britney reference Tom Selleck. It’s a proven fact that if her feeble mind tried to comprehend the awesomeness of Magnum P.I., it would collapse upon itself. Seriously, the guy solved murders in Hawaii – with a Ferrari! The greatest minds of our generation couldn’t come up with a premise like that. Though Carl Sagan did pitch a show about a robot butler who drove a Camaro. He called it “Robot Butler in a Camaro.” Genius…*Grammatical error intentional. Ha! Beat you to it, suckers.
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March 21st, 2008
Since I have been giving a decent amount of coverage to Ashley Alexandra Dupre, it’s only fair that I report on Eliot Spitzer’s post-resignation offers. It looks like Playgirl is countering Ashley’s $1 million Hustler deal and wants the former governor to debrief (witty!) himself in a full nude photo shoot, according to their official blog:
Your political career is sadly over; and you owe a lot of money to a lot of people. Hell, you may land in jail before too long. So consider this letter a brief note of urgency.
How about making some loot back, by showing us what you saved for such a select few? How about strutting your sexuality, and defending your right to get down for the magazine and Playgirl.com?
Spitzer, old chum, I say do it. I did a shoot for Playgirl back in the day and those folks are nothing but professional. I mean, the way they called security when I showed up naked on a random set was top notch. Those guys really knew how to pry my steel grip from the stuffed polar bear I mounted in the scenery. I was going for a Grizzly Adams meets James Bond look. Unfortunately, it turned into more of a TASER beam meets testicle look. I pee sitting down now.
Photo: Getty Images
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March 21st, 2008
People has the exclusive first photos of Jennifer Lopez’s twins Max and Emme. Holy crap, they look like babies! People editor Peter Castro stopped by Good Morning America today (video after the jump) to talk about the 8-hour-shoot. He also discussed J-Lo’s weight gain (45-50 lbs.) and the infertility rumors. However, no one talked about the Skeletor in the closet. I’m, of course, referring to Marc Anthony who is a freaking alien! C’mon! We need to do something and soon. Just last night he snuck into my house and tried to give me an anal probe.UPDATE: False alarm! It was just my roommate looking for the Pop Tarts. I really need a new hiding place.Thanks to trendyljm who’s name both baffles and arouses me. But mostly baffles.
Photo: People
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March 20th, 2008
Yesterday it was short shorts, now today it’s Jennifer Aniston in a bikini. Evolution is awesome. Take a gander of Jennifer chilling in Miami where’s she’s filming Marley & Me. Also scope out this pic (Click here as if you’re life depended on it.) where, if I’m not mistaken, Jennifer Aniston is challenging Kate Hudson to an Ass Off. Of course, the real winner is Owen Wilson that hook-nosed rogue. Time for drastic measures. Hammer, meet nose. *CRUNCH* Yup, it definitely broke right off. Not good. Fluffy, no, bad kitty! Get that out of your mouth. Don’t go outside! Ah, shit. Great, now the neighbors are calling the cops. They think I’m Michael Jackson. It’s all a misunderstanding, folks. Ha ha I hate kids! No, really, bring one over and I’ll kick him into the garage door.
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March 20th, 2008
You ever get in one of those moods where you just want to post pics of hot celebrities on your awesome blog all day? If you couldn’t tell by the Jennifer Aniston and Erika Eleniak (I think?) posts, I’m in one of those moods. To wrap this show up, here’s buttlacious Kim Kardashian modeling lingerie designed by Pussycat Dolls founder Robin Antin. Also with Kim is Aubry O’Day of Danity Kane and Pussycat Doll Melody Thornton. But none of that really matters because, holy shit, it’s Kim Kardashian in lingerie. I could write the location of the Holy Grail* down here and you wouldn’t even notice. That’s why I love you guys. *sniff* You make me so damn proud…*Hint: Take a closer look at Lil Jon. Hyeah!
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March 20th, 2008
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