Archive for March 7th, 2008
Paris Hilton seemed to be confused by the presence of her breasts while shopping yesterday in Beverly Hills. Of course, no one is more confused than my penis. Right now he’s up on the roof threatening to jump. I tried to talk him down, but he’s pretty out of - SHIT! HE JUMPED! NOOOO! Oh, thank God, a seagull caught him and is flying out to sea. Uh oh, they both got ate by a shark. That’s not cool. *shakes head* Whoa, what a weird hallucination. I really need to stop sniffing Sharpies for a full hour after lunch. I thought Paris Hilton had really big - ACK! Those things are real?! I’ve finally done it. I’ve tripped into another dimension! Everything’s opposite, man. I better get out of these clothes so I fit in. Oh, hey Jim. Yeah, you’re right, I should get that mole checked out. Have a good weekend - in opposite land. What did I just say? Oh, nothing.
View Original Post Here
March 7th, 2008
The judge in the Britney Spears’ conservatorship case ruled that Britney Spears’ estate pay Jamie Spears $2,500 a week and allow him to lease a car while he handles Britney’s affairs. The ruling was made Wednesday according to court documents that the press got a hold of yesterday. The AP reports:
Goetz also ordered Spears’ estate to make a $58,800 payment to Samuel D. Ingham III, the court-appointed attorney who represents Britney Spears in the conservatorship case. She also authorized the pop star’s psychiatrist to hire two other doctors and pay them retainers totaling $9,000 from her estate.
To some of us, $2,500 is a lot of cheddah. I mean, this job only pays me in McDonald’s gift certificates. (I just survived my eighth heart attack. Take that, God!) But, when you think about it, Jamie is getting Britney’s career back on track and she’ll end up raking in millions. Also the poor bastard has to be with Britney Spears 24/7. I wouldn’t subject myself to that kind of abuse unless you paid me $1.2 trillion dollars. Or a Nintendo Wii. Damn, I negotiates good.
View Original Post Here
March 7th, 2008
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s relationship is on the line in the new season of MTV’s The Hills. Supposedly there’s another woman involved, and Us Magazine is running with the story - as if it’s real. C’mon! Everyone knows Heidi and Spencer are the fakest fake fakers on the fucking fake coast of Fake-islavia. Here’s the fake scoop:
“Spencer and I have really had our ups and downs this past year,” Montag tells Us. “I’ve definitely been betrayed by friends before, but I’ve never had a boyfriend do this to me.”
She adds, “Spencer and I may differ on what it means to cheat.”
So obviously the producers are trying to create some drama by injecting one of the normal pitfalls of a relationship: doing other people. But you know what else happens in relationships sometimes? Murder/suicide. Get me the CEO and president of MTV on the line: “Hello? Satan? It’s The Superficial Writer. Yeah, I got the severed goats head. Thanks. Cleared that rash right up. Listen, that’s not why I called; I have a plot idea for The Hills you’re gonna love….”
View Original Post Here
March 7th, 2008
