Archive for March 9th, 2008
John Mayer left a cryptic message on his blog the other day that may or may not be directed to an ex-lover. Us Magazine is saying it might be Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, Jennifer Love Hewitt or Cameron Diaz. That’s four more women than I would’ve suggested would still be hung up on John Mayer. Here’s what it said:
Dear Ex Lover,
Perhaps you didn’t understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I’ll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore. I don’t know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I’m done trying.I hope this is enough closure for you.Goodbye.
P.S. If you need me, you know how to find me.
Here’s my list of suspects of who John Mayer is writing to:1. No one.2. Nobody.3. Imaginary Girl.4. Tyra Banks.I don’t want to say my list is better, but between Us Magazine and myself, only one of us thinks The Hills is real. So who you going to trust? That’s right. Me: Captain Credibility. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go hot-tubbing on the moon with every single Victoria’s Secret Angels, Olivia Munn from G4 and Disney’s The Little Mermaid.
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March 9th, 2008
Brooke Shields, in what seems to be a complete defiance of logic, found herself swarmed by the paparazzi yesterday. I hate to be the one to break it to her, but Brooke, you sort of look like a certain somebody who gets a lot of media attention. I know your first thought is that it must be Catherine Zeta Jones, but ha, yeah, you wish, so it’s actually Britney Spears. This may seem like a slap in the face, because it is, but I wrote you a letter during this time of hurting:Dear Brooke Shields,Words cannot soothe the deep, unimaginable psychological scarring this news may have caused you. But I just want you to know that I thought you were really awesome in that movie I can’t remember the name of. You know, the one where your husband lets you spend the night with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Good stuff. Anyway, know you’re in my thoughts and prayers.The Superficial Writer.P.S. Indecent Proposal! Wait, that was Demi Moore. Okay, let’s start over. What are you famous for again? It’s gotta be something. I know! You’re the little girl that fell in the well. Aw, look at you. All growed up.
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March 9th, 2008
Colin Farrell had his eyes set on model Meghan Lowther while drinking with some buddies at The Rose Bar in New York City. Colin decided it was time to get all Miami Vice on her ass. And not Miami Vice the steaming pile of shit movie he made, but Miami Vice the wicked TV show with the Jan Hammer soundtrack. Key-tars rule! Page Six reports:
He bumped into the fellow next to her and asked, “Who is this guy?” Lowther replied, “He’s my boyfriend.” Farrell then told the guy, “You’ve got the most beautiful girl in the place, and you can’t blame a guy for trying.” The boyfriend replied, “You tried. Now get out of here.”
I can’t believe Colin Farrell let this guy continue to have a full set of teeth. If I was there, I would’ve pissed myself then crossed my fingers the dude slips in my urine while I cry underneath a table. I guess you can say I’m something of a hardass. *flexes* Mamacita! Oh yeah, I definitely herniated myself. This can’t be good. I think I really did it this time. *looks down* Okay, is anyone a doctor? What happens when the third one wraps itself around the other two while the fourth one continues to be made of titanium? Give it to me straight, doc. I can take it.
Photos: Getty Images
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March 9th, 2008
