Archive for June, 2008
I really don’t know what to say about these pics of porn star Bridget the Midget’s flashing a boob this weekend. Mostly because I’m disappointed a unicorn didn’t fly out of her cleavage like these doodles I made on my Trapper Keeper. Although, technically, I believe Bridget’s obligated to at least shoot gold coins out of her nipple, if my interpretation of midget law isn’t mistaken. Which it could be because they write so. Damn. Small.NOTE: Pics link to NSFW version including one of Bridget’s tattoo of a dollar bill that’s cleverly replaced George Washington with, well, here’s a hint: that’s not a flower.
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June 30th, 2008
A new chapter has begun in the Rob Lowe sex scandal that everyone forgot about. James Maclear, a former chef for the Lowe’s, filed a declaration Friday that the ex-nanny accusing Rob of sexual harassment might be a cock-crazy psycho. Legally speaking. TMZ reports:
James Maclear says he worked for the Lowes as a chef from June to December 2005. In that time, he claims Jessica Gibson had an “overtly flirtatious manner.” He says within hours of meeting her she “changed into hot pants and was laying on the kitchen floor with her legs open in a very suggestive manner.”
He also says Gibson aggressively pursued him — on several occasions telling him “she was very horny” — even though he told her he had a girlfriend. He says once at a friend’s birthday party Gibson paraded around a pizza joint singing the Pussycat Dolls’ “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me” directly to his girlfriend.
James Maclear also claims that he never saw Rob flirt with Jessica and that she’d been reported to her supervisor for her “constant sexual innuendo.” Intriguing. There’s only one way to get to the bottom of this: I’ll have sex with this so-called nanny which will allow me to prove if she was molested by Rob Lowe. I think. The important thing is I’ll lose my virginity. Ha ha, I kid. I lost it weeks ago to The Geekologie Writer’s mom. Best bumper car ride EVER.
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June 30th, 2008
Hulk Hogan revealed to People that he still unconditionally loves his ex-wife Linda - even though she filed for divorce and currently has a 19-year-old kid ensnared in her leather vagina. But Hulk still keeps that torch burning and blames the reality for amplifying their problems. In the meantime, he’s been able to fix his relationship with Brooke:
Hogan says his relationship with Brooke, 20, “was strained for a while” after Brooke learned that Hogan had a brief fling with one of her close friends, a woman in her 30s. “Brooke has gone through a range of emotions,” Hogan says. “She was a little confused about who everybody was, and maybe had misinformation, but right now Brooke understands who I am, and who her mom is, and what’s real and not real. She’s doing real well now.”
Smart thinking, Hulk. You can’t have Linda, so you’ve moved on to her clone Brooke. Sure, her skin lacks the texture of beef jerky, but you didn’t build the world’s largest tanning bed for nothing. It may have taken years and they all laughed at you, but soon you’ll be having burnt crispy sex faster than you can say “We’re moving to Arkansas, brotha!”
Photo: Getty Images
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June 30th, 2008
Verne Troyer (a.k.a. Mini-Me) is suing the pants off of TMZ for showing footage of him without his tiny pants. Apparently, Mini-Me filmed a sex tape with ex-girlfriend Ranae Shrider (above) and, like any good amateur porn, it was stolen and found its way online. His lawyers claim to have sent several cease-and-desist letters before and after TMZ posted the footage. E! Online reports:
In addition to the gossip purveyor, which just posted the footage yesterday, Troyer has also sued One Night in Paris peddler Kevin Blatt. He claims that Blatt, who’s known for his celeb-porn brokering ways, somehow acquired the stolen tape and, according to TMZ, is currently entertaining a $100,000 distribution offer from SugarDVD.
Troyer is alleging violation of privacy, copyright infringement, trademark infringement, violation of right to publicity and misappropriation of name and likeness.
Mini-Me made a sex tape? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!UPDATE: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!EDIT: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!* But, in all seriousness, did they use a tripod or just lay the camera on the floor?*HA HA HA HA HA HA!
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June 29th, 2008
Mary-Kate Olsen stopped by Letterman last night to promote her new film The Wackness where she talked about spending her 22nd birthday at Bonnaroo, making out with Ben Kinglsey and not wanting her kids to be child actors. She then brought up going to high school with Spencer Pratt who Dave mentioned is a little “wormy.” I guess that’s showbiz talk for “epic assclown.” Good to know:
Mary-Kate: He does not have a good temper. He walked out of a few games. He would walk off the field. He was like, ‘Me or the coach!’
Dave: Were you friends with the guy at the time?
Mary-Kate: No.
Dave: Because I’m surprised about the soccer. Because looking at the guy, he looks like a guy that has never broken a sweat, I would guess.
Mary-Kate: Oh, my God — that brings up stories! I don’t know if I should talk about it.
Dave: No, c’mon, let’s hear one. Let’s go.
Mary-Kate: [laughs] The Wackness is a great film.
Dave: What I don’t understand is how does a kid that age, and he’s only in his 20s or maybe even your age, how does a kid like that get to be so oily?
Mary-Kate: It’s a mystery to me.
While I’m not surprised that Spencer Pratt is universally looked upon as Hollywood’s shit stain, I’m extremely amazed at how normal Mary-Kate Olsen appears. For once she doesn’t look like Yoda on heroin and is actually speaking to other humans. I always figured Mary-Kate communicated via an intricate series of wrist flaps and lip pouting. But real words? Honestly, who saw that coming?Video after the jump.
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June 29th, 2008
Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie is definitely becoming a reality. She met with Paul McCartney’s high-powered attorney this week to protect her assets, but friends of Guy Ritchie say he’s not interested in her money. In fact, he’s actually hoping things can work out between him and Death Hands. The Mirror reports:
But friends said he still nurtures the dream that the final break can be avoided. One disclosed: “He’s a bit down in the dumps, and who can blame him. He’s off to the country to get a bit of peace and quiet.”
Friends insist the movie director is unlikely to wage a court battle for more of the star’s millions. The couple have already made the welfare of their children - Lourdes, 11, Rocco, seven, and adopted David, two - their top priority.
One source said: “Guy is a decent bloke, full stop. It’s not his style to start profiteering from such sorry circumstances. He’s got too much respect for his wife and children.”
Personally, I think Madonna’s making a huge mistake. I mean, Guy Ritchie is a human male who’s willing to have intercourse with her. You don’t throw something like that away. Let’s be realistic: it’s not 1992 anymore and you’re the Crypt Keeper. In fact, if one of my buddies said “Hey, I’d like to have sex with Madonna - circa NOW.” I’d probably give him back his car keys then suggest he take Holy Windy Fucking Shit Road home. Okay, you’re right, I wouldn’t do that. I’d ask the valet to.
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June 29th, 2008
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline met yesterday for a private mediation session in an effort to avoid bringing their custody battle to trial. It didn’t work. But, however, Kevin’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan spoke to E! News and says the talks were productive and both sides left happy. There was no mention of whether that involved giving Britney a Happy Meal:
“The mediation didn’t result in an agreement that would avoid the trial set in August… The mood was comfortable, positive and it was a mood that was consistent with opening at least a great dialogue, which is necessary.
“Kevin has had sole legal custody since January. He wants that to become the permanent order at trial, and the visitation to be consistent with what the court expanded it to this week.”
Of course, my sources tell me that part of the reason the talks failed is because Britney kept demanding “custardy.” “Custardy!” she’d cry. “I want custardy!” Realizing things weren’t going as planned on her Etch a Sketch, Britney switched to Plan B: Vadge in the eye. Everyone quickly turned in fear but not Kevin. No way. He wasn’t backing down this time. Not now, not ev - Jumpin’ Jesus it winked at him. SECURITY!
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June 28th, 2008
Lindsay Lohan might have a sister she never knew about it. Her father Michael Lohan reveals that he had a brief relationship with a woman while he was separated from Dina. Recently, the woman wrote him a letter that claims he’s the father of her child who’s now 13. While most respectable men like myself would’ve hightailed it to the Yukon, Michael is embracing the notion of a new daughter. And most likely planning his own reality show: “Thank God I Didn’t Wear a Condom Idol.” OK! Magazine reports:
In a statement to OK!, Michael says, “Years later [the woman] contacted me, convincing me that I was the only person she was with and that she had my child.”
In fact, OK! has seen letters Michael wrote to the girl’s mother where he says that his secret daughter “is beginning to look a lot like Linds, with a mix of [younger brother] Cody, believe it or not.” He also sent his daughter a photograph of himself while he was still in Collins Correctional Facility which he signed “Love Daddy.”
Nice, except the AP reports Michael hasn’t even gotten a paternity test yet, but he felt the need to write “Love Daddy” from prison. That’s not gonna fuck a kid up. Then again, look who I’m talking about. This guy’s not really batting a thousand in the fathering department, so we should be happy he hasn’t asked how she’s “developing” - using a scale from one to Lindsay.
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June 28th, 2008
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