Archive for June 7th, 2008
Shia LaBeouf’s dad Jeffrey is apparently some sort of crazy “I live in a tepee” guy. But during the cold months, Shia lovingly opens up his home to his father. And by home I mean garage. Except this time, outside LaBeouf Manor, Jeffrey told Star “I live here now.” Here’s what Shia had to say about his new tenant:
“I love him, but we have similar tastes. Living in close proximity, we get into little battles. Over the fridge, over supplies, just everyday average stuff. Toothpaste, clean towels… it becomes a little overbearing, so we keep him in the garage.”
But Jeffrey may be overstaying his welcome! “It’s not winter anymore, and he’s still here,” says Shia. “You can’t be like, ‘Hey Dad, listen, it’s time to go back to your tepee.’ You can’t make him leave.”
Wow, that’s pretty nice of you considering the man stuck you with the name Shia. Anyway, this story puts a lot of things in perspective for me. Namely that, if you have kids, you always have a garage to sleep in when it gets too cold in your tepee. Sweet! I am officially never using condoms again. Not that I ever did to begin with, but sometimes it’s fun to pretend. And that burning sensation is telling me it’s time to pee. BRB!
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June 7th, 2008
Bobby Brown’s son Brandon, recently seen on MTV’s Rock the Cradle by about five people, is claiming he had sex with Lindsay Lohan in a bathroom, according to The Sun:
He boasts: “Me and Lindsay got really, really close. She followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together. I think she knew who I was when she first saw me. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me in.”
This story was almost believable until he said “I think she knew who I was when she first saw me.” Then it became fiction. Brandon, Brandon, Brandon. Your anecdote had everything it needed to be taken seriously until you got greedy. I mean, all you had to say was you walked up to Lindsay and let her know that boys have a penis and a girls have a vagina. Then she had to have you. Now that’s believable. In fact, Lindsay’s reading this right now going “I don’t remember that, but it sounds like something I would definitely do. Also, this is the best website in the history of Internet, and I’m rubbing my boobs on the monitor. Ignore the fact I’m talking out loud in this joke.”
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June 7th, 2008
Kim Kardashian went furniture shopping yesterday and clearly set the buttpad to “HOLY SHIT DUCK!” Which is interesting because the same day Kim was complaining on her blog about how much attention her butt gets:
I know most celebrities say they don’t read what the press says about them; but to be honest, I suspect in most cases, they don’t want to admit that they actually care what is written about them.
I’ll tell you straight up — I do read it! Some of it is true, a lot of it is flattering, and a lot of it is totally off the mark.
You might think Kim is “keeping it real” by telling us “straight up” as opposed to “crooked down.” But she’s not. Kim’s clearly working what the makers of foam gave her and then feigning disbelief at all the attention. That’d be like me walking around with the entire planet of Saturn jutting out of my face. Then writing to you guys “Why do people keep talking about my Saturn?” If you’re wondering why I chose Saturn, it’s the first thing I thought of with an orbit similar to Kim’s ass. Nailed it!
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June 7th, 2008
