Archive for June 13th, 2008
Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee are officially reconciled and living together. Tommy revealed the news to Rolling Stone, but only because he thought they were a really cool pineapple with a tape recorder:
“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me,” said a beaming Tommy Lee. “It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.”
After the interview ended, Tommy Lee proceeded to have sex with 20 hookers while saying “Yeah, man, I just really hope things work out. For the kids. I mean, I think I’m on the right trac- Holy shit, what am I doing? This isn’t right. I specifically ordered these chicks with flasks of JD around their necks. I can’t stressalize how muy mondo importante good customer service is, bro-seph. Yeah, I don’t know what the hell I just said either.”
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June 13th, 2008
Dr. Drew Pinsky of VH1′s Celebrity Rehab made the following remarks about Tom Cruise and his passion for Scientology in the latest issue of Playboy. Dr. Drew finds it particularly interesting that the religion/cult rejects psychology:
“A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood – maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.”
Tom Cruise’s lawyer fired back in Page Six today and basically compared Dr. Drew’s methods to those of the Nazi’s. Wait, I thought Nazi’s hated Jews not Scientologists. Damn you, American education system!:
“This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels.”
If I were Tom Cruise’s lawyer, I would’ve tried a different tact:”Well, duh, Dr. Drew. Jesus, of course, Tom Cruise is crazy. Real keen analysis there. I anxiously await your thesis: ‘The sky is blue.’ Hold on, Tom Cruise is telling me the sky is actually the color of Thetan tears because they’re caged in a stratsopheric mind warp that makes us all sad. Wow, seriously, Tom? Here’s a cookie. Say, I think I saw a Thetan trapped in the fax machine. Go get ‘em!”Damn, I should just skip the whole bar association thing and start taking clients. Who wants to be first to get law-gified?
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June 13th, 2008
Hulk Hogan is really regretting that deal with Satan to get his own reality show. After looking like a jackass on Larry King Live, Hulk’s ex-wife Linda is now trying to get him thrown in jail for not paying for half of their Las Vegas condo per their divorce settlement, according to the Orlando Sentinel:
The estranged wife of former wrestler Hulk Hogan has asked a judge to cite him for allegedly not paying his share of a $4.2 million Las Vegas condo.Linda Bollea wants Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea, to be held in contempt and jailed. A court order requires them to share the purchase of the condo at The Palms hotel and spa.
Oh, those wacky Hogans. I bet these people spend Christmas morning stabbing each other with used drug needles. Then it’s off to the tanning salon for a quiet afternoon of bleach, egg nog and widespread melanoma. Fa la la la!
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June 13th, 2008
