Archive for June 20th, 2008
When the report came in, I refused to believe another one of these.. these BEASTS existed. But the boys in the lab confirmed its existence and suggested the two might possibly be related. Cousins even. What kind of sick bastard are you, God? Like its “relative,” we discovered this one on the beach just in time to watch it devour a small canine. Then it announced itself:ME TOOOOOOOO! ME TOOOOOOO!I knew what had to be done as I reached into my pocket. Where were those blasted tank keys?
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June 20th, 2008
Marla Maples has quite the athletic build at the age of 44. But someone needs to tell her you can’t just cartwheel away the effects of time. Believe me I’ve tried. It cost me a coffee table, two ceiling fans and my neighbors threatened to call the cops if they ever see my “free-hanging pinto beans” again. I prefer “gargantuan avocados,” but in their defense, it was a tad chilly this morning.
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June 20th, 2008
Mary Carey (VH1 Celebrity Rehab, a shitload of porn) celebrated her 28th birthday yesterday with her boyfriend in Las Vegas. If I ever get married, when it comes time to plan the wedding I’m going to point to this last picture and say “That stuff. I want that stuff to happen.” And by that stuff I mean me pouring water on a porn star while wearing a shirt that will make random strangers want to throw a chainsaw at my face. So, pretty much the most romantic day ever.
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June 20th, 2008
