Gossip Weblog

Celeb News: Jessica Simpson has ‘Best Celebrity Breasts’

Jessica Simpson’s breasts have been recognized as the best in Hollywood by InTouch Weekly. Surprisingly, I wasn’t consulted but I’m going to let the ruling stand because, well, boobs. Here’s their Top 10 list for your perusal. WARNING: It’s full of WTF?:

1. Jessica Simpson
2. Tyra Banks
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Carmen Electra
5. Lindsay Lohan
6. Katherine Heigl
7. Audrina Patridge
8. Jennifer Aniston
9. Megan Fox
10. Beyoncé Knowles

I’ll let you guys debate the inclusion of some of the ladies on this list. I mean, Jennifer Aniston? We’re talking about breasts here not permanent nipple hardage for Chrissakes. This is what happens, InTouch, when you leave me out of the vetting process. I bet you didn’t even judge the candidates in a hot tub full of Jell-O, did you? Of course not. Dammit, does one believe in science anymore? What a sad state of affairs. I blame the video games.NOTE:Added a photo montage of Jessica Simpson’s breasts over the past year along with her video for “These Boots Are Made for Walking” after the jump. You know, the one where she washes the General Lee in a bikini in the greatest act of patriotism since the time I threw an American flag at a French Fry this morning.

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Add comment July 2nd, 2008

Celeb News: Ashlee Simpson steps out with the prego-boobs

Ashlee Simpson ventured out in public last night and displayed her expanding mammaries. Somewhere Joe Simpson just tipped backwards in his chair yelling “Yippee!” That said, I’m glad to see Ashlee’s doing well. You know what I hear is awesome for prenatal development? Topless wrestling with your older sister. I’m pretty sure I read that in a book somewhere. Okay, maybe it was more like a couple of piece of papers I made a flipbook out of. Ooh, wait, shut up. This is the part where Batman shows up to referee. “Fight fair,” he says. BOOOOO! KILL THE REF! Preferably with a nipple!

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Add comment July 2nd, 2008

Celeb News: Christina Milian in a bikini

It’s been way too long since we’ve had bikini pics of Christina Milian on the site. In fact, the last time she was here, you could get two Britney Spears’ vagina stories for a nickel. And it was sold to you by a little kid dressed like a Newsie saying “Extra! Extra!” Turns out he was a dwarf named Ralph Shackelsburg who picked all our pockets but I like to think of him as family. Family that I let sleep in my shoe and one time, on a bet, the glove box of my ca - Holy shit. Did I let him out?UPDATE: Gonna need a shoebox….

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Add comment July 2nd, 2008