Archive for July 13th, 2008
Amy Winehouse has decided she’s sexy. The shit has hit the fan, folks. I’m talking Code Red; we need snipers on the roof. It all started yesterday when Amy visited her husband Blake in prison and decided to give him a little window love, according to The Sun:
The Rehab singer was visiting hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL when she yanked her top down, pressed her boobs against a glass booth and writhed suggestively.
One visitor said: “It was not a pleasant sight. Amy seemed completely out of it.”
Amy then headed off to the Monarch where she attempted to seductively pose in front of ol’ Union Jack. (Outcome: FAIL and they had to burn the flag.) If you thought terrorism was our biggest threat, guess again. The chick above wants to show you her breasts. Let that sink in for a minute. I know battle-hardened vets, guys who were in the shit in Nam, who cried like babies when I broke the news to them. Okay, maybe I told them the Viet Cong are hiding out in her beehive, but still.
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July 13th, 2008
Realizing she has the acting skills of a ham sandwich, Jessica Alba has turned her vagina into an ATM by signing a $1.5 million photo deal with OK! Magazine, according to TMZ:
We’re hearing the two-part deal consists of pictures of the baby now, and one other “event” — Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacation, etc. Our spy said Jessica initially turned down the offers of several weekly mags, not wanting to sell, but eventually caved.
Dear struggling actresses, models and reality TV stars,If anyone of you are looking to cash in on the instant publicity and lucrative photo deals that come with birthing a child, I have a penis.Just saying.Sincerely,The Superficial WriterP.S. Please be hot and/or drive a beer truck made entirely of chicken wings.
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July 13th, 2008
Hayden Panettiere’s boyfriend and Heroes co-star Milo Ventimiglia is picking out engagement rings for my favorite midget hottie. While I figure out the best way to punch him in the gonads, scope out the details from InTouch:
The actor, 31, recently confided to a friend that even though Hayden is only 18 years old, he wants to get engaged, preferably this year. “Milo was looking at rings in late June,” the pal says. “He really likes Cartier and intends to spend around $200,000.”
Okay, sure, Milo can provide Hayden with fancy things like his Hollywood good looks and an expensive engagement. But I’ve got a face full of handsome as well. Okay, maybe I’m not rich, but I know how to treat a lady. You’ve got to support their neck and be sure to burp them after eating. Oh yeah, I know my shit. Hayden, let’s get romantic.
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July 13th, 2008
