Let me a take a stab at what’s going on here: Paris Hilton’s magical bra, which in defiance of God’s Will makes her appear to have cleavage, is running low on unicorn tears. That, or her breasts are made of slowly melting ice cream. The flavor? Ben & Jerry’s New “V.D. Cone Home.” Look for it in your grocer’s freezer.EDIT: Apparently, with the boob droopage in full effect, Paris tried to hook up with recently single soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo only to be shot down, according to the Daily Mail. Benji Madden would be pissed except he realizes he’s Benji Madden and is just happy to touch a vagina.Thanks to Tom for the tip on Paris’ crash and burn. I love a good heartwarming tale.
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July 16th, 2008
Former UFC champ Quinton “Rampage” Jackson was arrested yesterday after hitting a whole bunch of cars while attempting to allude police in Costa Mesa, Calif. In case you missed the headline, Rampage was driving a massive camoflauged Ford F-250 that kind of sort of had his face plastered on both driver AND passenger-side doors. I guess he was trying to compete with the Joker’s smile mobile; I have no fucking clue. SI.com reports:
A Costa Mesa patrol officer attempted to pull Jackson over after he was seen weaving in and out of traffic with a flat front left tire, according to a release issued by the Costa Mesa Police Department. Jackson, 30, continued driving to avoid being stopped. Losing control of the truck, Jackson drove up onto a sidewalk. He continued on, colliding with a vehicle in an intersection and running several red lights.
Eventually, the truck came to a stop and Jackson, originally of Memphis, Tenn., was arrested without incident at gunpoint.
I’m going to assume that, somewhere after he hopped a curb then ran a couple of red lights, the following thought went through Rampage Jackson’s head: “And my face is on the car isn’t it? Super duper. Should’ve gone with Mr. T punching a tiger, Rampage. Oh, wow, that’s a gun.”
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July 16th, 2008
These are promotional shots for Paris Hilton’s new hair extension line DreamCatchers. You can check out the company site here if you absolutely hate your eyes, ears and sense of dignity. In the meantime, I’ve come up with some slogans to help Paris in her entrepreneurial pursuit:DreamCatchers: Because you’ve stopped taking your meds and stole your grandmother’s purse. Get beautiful!DreamCatchers: Look we gave her some money and figured she’d choke on the extensions during the development process. Who knew?DreamCatchers: Or you can keep looking like a trash bag full of cottage cheese, Kim Kardashian.DreamCatchers: Because you know who gives great hair advice? Chicks with herpes. That’s science. Hair science.
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July 16th, 2008
