Archive for July 28th, 2008
I’d traveled to all four corners of the Earth, and at last, I found her again. This would be our final battle. The killing blow to be delivered by the bazooka I won off an Army colonel in a game of Russian roulette. But, suddenly, there’s a commotion. It’s coming from- from- my pants? What manner of trickery is this? Arousal? How can this be? No no no NO!”Y’ALLLLLLLLLLLLL”She’s spotted me. With my khaki tent fully pitched, I must flee - or must I? I find myself drawn to the creature. I step out of the brush and approach it. Instead of paralyzing fear, I feel strange emotions. Is this how it was meant to be? Two brutal enemies become star-crossed lovers. Yes, I can feel my heart warming as the anticipation of embrace grips me. It’s at that moment I realize my folly. I had tucked a Snickers bar in my safari hat earlier that day. Well played, Beast. Well pla-”CRUNCH!”
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July 28th, 2008
Rebecca Romjin and Jerry O’Connell are having twins. Yay! Now they won’t be entirely alone in obscurity. People reports:
The babies are due this winter.
And just a little more than a week ago, O’Connell, 34, told PEOPLE, “We’re trying to get pregnant.”
“It would be amazing if it happened,” he said, adding that practicing has been “a lot of fun.”
“Practice.” he added. “Practice all the time. It never stops with her! Christ, now I know how John Stamos died. And I’m next!” Jerry O’Connell was latter found crying in a dumpster, softly singing “You’ll never guess my secret identity, who’s on the inside - hides from his wife in a dumpster, whoa oh whoa!“**Have a case of the WTFs? Video after the jump.
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July 28th, 2008
Michelle Williams is dating director Spike Jonze. Spike is the director of the upcoming film Where the Wild Things Are and is currently getting his nuts kicked in for having the audacity to make a kid’s movie devoid of fart jokes. But at least he gets to have sex with someone who will constantly compare him to Heath Ledger. Wow, I really suck at cheering people up. Star reports:
“Michelle kissed Spike with a closed mouth on the corner of his lips,” says an eyewitness who saw the couple together the morning of July 2 leaving Spike’s Manhattan apartment. “There was definitely a little bit of caressing going on. She was clutching his arm. The body language was very romantic.”
Okay, I’m willing to believe Michelle Williams is dating Spike Jonze. They’re both weird; it works. But here’s where Star lost me: “Michelle kissed Spike with a closed mouth on the corner of his lips.” Who the hell talks like that? May I suggest a more believable dialog: “Tipping his top hat towards the lady, he offered his hand, and together they hailed a horseless carriage. Perhaps a promenade at the tavern would find this evening well. Afterward, sir and madam retired to their quarters for carnal pleasures punctuated with scones and haberdashery.” It’s almost like you’re there!
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July 28th, 2008
