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I’d traveled to all four corners of the Earth, and at last, I found her again. This would be our final battle. The killing blow to be delivered by the bazooka I won off an Army colonel in a game of Russian roulette. But, suddenly, there’s a commotion. It’s coming from- from- my pants? What manner of trickery is this? Arousal? How can this be? No no no NO!”Y’ALLLLLLLLLLLLL”She’s spotted me. With my khaki tent fully pitched, I must flee – or must I? I find myself drawn to the creature. I step out of the brush and approach it. Instead of paralyzing fear, I feel strange emotions. Is this how it was meant to be? Two brutal enemies become star-crossed lovers. Yes, I can feel my heart warming as the anticipation of embrace grips me. It’s at that moment I realize my folly. I had tucked a Snickers bar in my safari hat earlier that day. Well played, Beast. Well pla-”CRUNCH!”

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