Archive for July, 2008
Kim Kardashian addressed the rumors that she’ll appear on the next season of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars. Hopefully, the stage is being reinforced using NASA technology, or a bunch of “celebrities” that time forgot will meet an untimely doom. People reports:
“I don’t know where that’s coming from, I can’t really comment on that,” the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star told Ryan Seacrest during a call-in Thursday to his KIIS-FM show. Still, Kardashian admitted she “would be honored if they asked me.”
While Kardashian confessed she doesn’t know her way around a ballroom dancefloor, she joked, “I can get down in a club.”
Anyone get the feeling Kim Kardashian is about to dump Reggie Bush for Gumby? Don’t worry, it’ll come to you. In the meantime, Kim can definitely get down in a club alright. A club sandwich! HA CHA CHA CH- I’m going to pour steaming hot coffee on my face.
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July 26th, 2008
Eva Mendes in lingerie is just brilliant marketing for any product under the sun. She could be in an ad campaign for Industrial Strength Penis Melter, and I’d pour it on my cereal. I don’t know what that says about me as a person, but I’m sure it’s something along the lines of “The Superficial Writer is a national treasure.”
Photos: Calvin Klein
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July 25th, 2008
We’re very aware of the popup problem and we’re doing our best to figure out where the hell they’re coming from. We’ve got a set of detectives sleuthing around so hopefully we’ll get this figured out soon. Trust us, nobody hates popups more than we do. If we wanted to annoy you guys to death, we would’ve just gone with Plan A: calling you up and telling you we slept with your mom.
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July 25th, 2008
Angelina Jolie wasn’t knocked up with twins by way of Brad Pitt’s penis. Instead, she went with in vitro fertilization because nobody puts Angelina in a corner, not even nature! Unless nature looks like Billy Bob Thornton then maybe. Us Weekly reports:
“They conceived through in vitro fertilization,” a well-placed source within their camp tells Us. “They both desperately wanted more babies soon.”
The chance of having fraternal twins at Angelina’s age (33) naturally is under 1 percent; with in vitro, the chances are 25 percent.
The actress chose the procedure (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so “she wouldn’t have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant,” the source tells Us. “She could just knock it out.”
Wow. Is Brad Pitt even having sex with Angelina Jolie? Or is he locked in a room every night with a copy of Gia and some test tubes? Some guys have all the luck.
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July 25th, 2008
Brooke Hogan really hates her mom. A months-old legal document leaked today that alleges Hulk was physically and verbally abusive to his wife Linda. Brooke signed the statement, but now regrets doing so after she “learned all the facts.” She says her mother pressured into signing the agreement, according to People:
Brooke’s rep says: “Brooke Bollea is distressed at the latest efforts by mother Linda to fracture the family. This time they let leak out an old document that Brooke signed filled with exaggerations and fabrications about father Terry’s behavior during the marriage. The months-old document was signed by Brooke at a time when she was upset with her father.”
Brooke is seriously grossed out by her mom’s 19-year-old boyfriend and the two are not on speaking terms. And to drive that home, Brooke then threw her mom under the bus:
“I love my mother, and hope to one day reconcile with her,” Brooke says. “But using kids as pawns in a divorce is awful. Every day my mother resorts to this kind of behavior makes it that much harder for us to ever have a relationship again.”
You know who I want to throw under a bus? The entire Hogan family. Also, I want the bus to constantly spray napalm, lemon juice and really pissed off wolverines. Just like the one I rode to school everyday until my parents realized, “Wait, school buses don’t play Iron Maiden and get driven by a guy in a bear costume.” Of course, by that time I was in college…
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July 24th, 2008
These pics tell an incredible story. A story about Sophie Monk in a bikini. Then in a wetsuit. Then stripping out of that wetsuit while taking a shower and now she’s just in a bikini. It’s basically The Greatest Story Ever Told, and I’ll fight to the death anyone that says otherwise.UPDATE: Even God agrees. Check out this e-mail:The Superficial,That shit straight PWNED The Bible. Ha, what was I thinking with the plagues and talking donkeys? If you want to tell a story and tell it right, you use bikinis. I’ll remember that next time for “The Bible 2: Now with More Lightsaber Fights.”Keep it real,Big Dong G Upstairs
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July 24th, 2008
Amy Winehouse, for who the hell knows what reason, has been immortalized in wax at Madame Tussauds in London. Her parents Mitch and Janis stopped by for the unveiling sans Amy which prompted Mitch to ask Janis “Why couldn’t you have had a wax baby? I want a divorce.” The AP reports:
The singer’s parents, Mitch and Janis Winehouse, attended the unveiling, but the 24-year-old soul diva did not. Her father said she was working and would see the waxwork in the next few weeks.
“This is the reward for her musical achievements and her talent,” Mitch Winehouse said, adding the model bears an “incredible” likeness to his daughter.
For even further authenticity, the statue was rolled around the inside of a dumpster out back. These people don’t fuck around.
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July 24th, 2008
Brooke Hogan has been offered the cover of the 55th Anniversary of Playboy. And she’s actually considering doing it! I don’t know why I just used an exclamation mark. Oh, that’s right; I plan on jabbing it in my eye. NY Daily News reports:
Brooke Hogan has been approached to pose nude for the famous men’s magazine, her publicist told the Daily News on Wednesday. And she didn’t say no.
The “Brooke Hogan Knows Best” star, 20, could use a boost for her stagnant singing career. Hogan’s 2006 album “Undiscovered” reportedly sold just 127,000 copies.
Hugh Hefner just heard this news and put down his pipe in disgust: “I never! The day Playboy runs photographs of trannies is the day Hugh Hefner succumbs to senility. I’ll see to this.” He immediately buzzes his secretary: “Get Marilyn Monroe on the line. Also, I’ve pooped again and want to watch cartoons.”Video of Brooke discussing the photo shoot after the jump.
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July 23rd, 2008
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