I was just wondering if Kim Kardashian is getting enough dairy in her diet. Mostly because I’m concerned that Russian cosmonauts aren’t quite able to see her ass from space yet. What can I say? I’m a humanitarian.
Add comment August 1st, 2008
Jamie Spears will continue his conservatorship of Britney until the end of the year. The commissioner extended Jamie’s control of Britney’s estate during a hearing this afternoon, but left it open to early termination. (Read: Once Britney can put on her clothes like a big girl, she gets her bank account back.) E! Online reports:
“Regarding the conservatorship of the person, I understand that Ms. Spears is reluctantly agreeing to extend those letters,” Goetz said. “We are extending them until Dec. 31, 2008.”
A status hearing for the extended order has been set for Oct. 28.
My sources tell me Britney’s reluctance was easily won over when her dad promised her a pony. Except after the hearing he said “Just kidding” and took her to the dentist.
Add comment August 1st, 2008
Suddenly, Jennifer Aniston’s nipple sonar went off: Somebody was popping nips and their name wasn’t Jennifer Aniston.”I’ll see about this,” Jennifer said. She quickly turned to her assistant. “Ice me.”"But, miss-”"I SAID, ‘ICE ME!’”Several cold seconds later, Jennifer Aniston’s nipples were primed like rockets in a missile silo. She motioned for her driver to stop near a pack of paparazzi. Jessica Alba, Rihanna: a day of reckoning is upon thee.Jennifer Aniston exited the vehicle and immediately began pointing at objects with almost laser-guided precision. Inside her head a manical, yet genius, monologue ensued:”Is that a rock? Now it’s a rock being pointed at by my nipples. What are you drinking? A latte? Now it’s a latte being pointed at by my nipples. Say, is that a bird?”And then it happened: Jennifer Aniston’s assistant, clearly gone suicidal, attempted to block the nipples with her purse. Her body would later be found in a sand dune on a Mexican beach. The police deduced the culprit’s identity by the two punctures wound in the back, but who would dare prosecute? Anyone worth their badge knew you didn’t go after the nipples. Not in this town. Not in any town…
Add comment August 1st, 2008
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