Archive for September 25th, 2008
Hugh Hefner really must be rocking the Depends because Bridget Marquart, the last faithful Girl Next Door, is bailing on him, Page Six reports:
Word comes that Marquardt also has a man on the side. Our tipster says, “Bridget’s been getting quite close with Nick Carpenter, Marisa Tomei’s ex-boyfriend. He directed her in a movie recently and apparently they ‘hang out’ whenever she can escape the mansion.”
Goddamn, this is depressing. I refuse to accept it’s not possible for a man to have enough money that he can score with a gaggle of young blonde chicks with fake breasts well into his 80s. I’m pretty sure that’s the guiding principle of our great nation. In fact, if history serves me correct, Benjamin Franklin said it best when he said “See how many ho’s you can get with this printing press, Mr. Jefferson, and make sure they got them breasteses all huge and stuff.
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September 25th, 2008
Simon Cowell responded to Extra today about the obvious news that Clay Aiken is gay:
“Wow, that’s a shock. It’s like being told Santa Clause isn’t real — unbelievable.”
Cowell then softened and encouraged Aiken with “Good for him. If he said it, it’s the right thing for him. Good for him.” As for how Aiken’s fans will react, Cowell opined, “I don’t think anyone cares. Let’s face it. It’s 2008. You know, who cares?”
Wait a minute. Santa Claus isn’t real? There goes Christmas. Fuck you, Simon Cowell! And by the way, people do still care if you’re gay. They’re called Republicans, you fat Grinch. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to silently pray Paula Abdul stabs you with a whiskey bottle.
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September 25th, 2008
Katie “Jordan” Price launched her new fragrance “Besotted” yesterday and somehow opted to look uncharacteristically hot as opposed to her usual look: Goddamn retarded.Dear Katie,Always do this. Never do anything but this. Whatever thought process was involved write it down, carve it stone, tattoo it on your children’s heads; I don’t care. Just do this.I know you’re tempted to respond or, I dunno, eat a sandwich, but again, THIS.Not secretly gay like your husband just sayin’,The Superficial WriterP.S. THIS!
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September 25th, 2008
