Britney Spears’ new single “Womanizer” debuted today on Z100. I’ve got the audio for you after the jump and, surprise, it sounds like all her other stuff: processed shit. Now, I’m willing to concede Britney’s making steps forward in the looks department, but let’s get real, her voice just isn’t cut out for the music industry. In fact, I’m pretty sure monotone isn’t a key. Sure, I’m no musician, but one time I played Guitar Hero naked, so it’s safe to say I know a thing or two. If you’re finding yourself unable to argue with that statement, it’s because I slapped you silly with my infallible logic. It happens.
Lindsay Lohan has reached the final straw with her father Michael Lohan. After another battle in the press this week, Chesty Chesteron of Chestrackistan has decided to file a restraining order against her old man. Page Six reports:
Sources said, that she’s “taking out an order of protection. He’s behaving so erratically that she’s terrified he’ll do something to her. She’s contacted her lawyer to arrange this.” Lindsay’s sister, Ali, “already has an order of protection against him, as does [mom] Dina. No one is speaking with him until he gets help.”
Jesus, don’t people hire hitmen anymore? Since when did Hollywood become a bunch of pansies? Somehow I can’t help but blame Ryan Seacrest. He knows what he did.
Travis Barker is doing well and “feeling the love” from fans, according to his business partner Jermaine Dupri. Travis, along with DJ AM, are in the hospital after suffering severe burns when they escaped a plane crash that left four of his friends dead. People reports:
Barker’s improved spirits could be due to his newly outfitted hospital room: “He’s just now getting everything in the hospital set up for him – iPods, computers, everything that he needs,” says Dupri, who estimates Barker will be in the hospital another two weeks. “You got to make sure he is comfortable.”
I hope he likes the model planes I sent. Get well soon, Travis!UPDATE:DJ AM just got out. That’s gotta burn I’m going to Hell.
Apparently, I wasn’t joking when I said it’s “British Chicks in Lingerie Week.” Who knew? Anyway, here to round off the week are Page 3 Girls Rhian Sugden and Rosie Jones launching the Ann Summers store in Liverpool. If you’re wondering who is who, get the hell off my site. Ha! I’m kidding – about the leaving. I seriously have no clue what their names are, so, yeah, I’ll take that Pulitzer now.
Artist Jonathan Yeo created the above portrait of Paris Hilton using nothing but old porn magazines. He’s currently exhibiting the work at a London art gallery along with a portrait of George W. Bush using the same medium. This Yeo fellow clearly has a knack for knowing when not to waste paint. FOX News reports:
He got the idea for the collages following the cancellation of a commission by the White House to paint Bush in 2004. He made the portrait, anyway, but in the form of a collage using pieces of pornographic magazines. Barrett said posters of the Hilton portrait, titled “Paris, 2008,” will be sold for $20 each at the gallery. She said Yeo was offering Hilton proceeds from the sale of the posters as a “lighthearted” gesture because the hotel heiress has said she didn’t receive any money from the notorious 2004 sex video that starred her and then-boyfriend Rick Salomon.
Sadly, you can’t see any of the porn in this picture (Trust me, I’ve gone through ten magnifying glasses.), but this is probably the classiest thing that will ever happen to Paris Hilton. Until I mold a statue of her out of used condoms. I love art!UPDATE: I found a nipple and a penis. What do you guys got?
Sarah Silverman endorses Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama in this video that encourages her fellow Jews to blackmail their Florida-residing grandparents into voting for Obama. I posted it because I know how much you guys love when celebrities talk about politics. It’s your favorite NOTE: Video is NSFW due to language such as fuck, shit, damn and brisket.
In case you guys didn’t get the memo, it’s “British Chicks in Lingerie” week here on The Superficial. This time around it’s model Danielle Bux who’s also the girlfriend of soccer legend Gary Lineker. She’s launching the La Senza flagship store in London with the help of what appears to be the Dutch Queen of Cellulite and her best friend Don’t Look at My Face. Sexy!
Hugh Hefner really must be rocking the Depends because Bridget Marquart, the last faithful Girl Next Door, is bailing on him, Page Six reports:
Word comes that Marquardt also has a man on the side. Our tipster says, “Bridget’s been getting quite close with Nick Carpenter, Marisa Tomei’s ex-boyfriend. He directed her in a movie recently and apparently they ‘hang out’ whenever she can escape the mansion.”
Goddamn, this is depressing. I refuse to accept it’s not possible for a man to have enough money that he can score with a gaggle of young blonde chicks with fake breasts well into his 80s. I’m pretty sure that’s the guiding principle of our great nation. In fact, if history serves me correct, Benjamin Franklin said it best when he said “See how many ho’s you can get with this printing press, Mr. Jefferson, and make sure they got them breasteses all huge and stuff.
Britney Spears’ new single “Womanizer” debuted today on Z100. I’ve got the audio for you after the jump and, surprise, it sounds like all her other stuff: processed shit. Now, I’m willing to concede Britney’s making steps forward in the looks department, but let’s get real, her voice just isn’t cut out for the music industry. In fact, I’m pretty sure monotone isn’t a key. Sure, I’m no musician, but one time I played Guitar Hero naked, so it’s safe to say I know a thing or two. If you’re finding yourself unable to argue with that statement, it’s because I slapped you silly with my infallible logic. It happens.
NOTE: Video is NSFW due to language such as fuck, shit, damn and brisket.
