Archive for September, 2008
Simon Cowell responded to Extra today about the obvious news that Clay Aiken is gay:
“Wow, that’s a shock. It’s like being told Santa Clause isn’t real — unbelievable.”
Cowell then softened and encouraged Aiken with “Good for him. If he said it, it’s the right thing for him. Good for him.” As for how Aiken’s fans will react, Cowell opined, “I don’t think anyone cares. Let’s face it. It’s 2008. You know, who cares?”
Wait a minute. Santa Claus isn’t real? There goes Christmas. Fuck you, Simon Cowell! And by the way, people do still care if you’re gay. They’re called Republicans, you fat Grinch. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to silently pray Paula Abdul stabs you with a whiskey bottle.
View Original Post Here
September 25th, 2008
Katie “Jordan” Price launched her new fragrance “Besotted” yesterday and somehow opted to look uncharacteristically hot as opposed to her usual look: Goddamn retarded.Dear Katie,Always do this. Never do anything but this. Whatever thought process was involved write it down, carve it stone, tattoo it on your children’s heads; I don’t care. Just do this.I know you’re tempted to respond or, I dunno, eat a sandwich, but again, THIS.Not secretly gay like your husband just sayin’,The Superficial WriterP.S. THIS!
View Original Post Here
September 25th, 2008
Britney Spears stopped for some coffee yesterday after leaving a dance studio in LA. She continues to look remarkably decent for a woman who only months ago filmed amateur porn in Mexico and spoke with a fake British accent. So, either Britney is a beacon of inspiration, or we live in the Matrix. If it’s the latter, let me know so I can stop wearing pants. Or will the pants stop wearing me? Eh? I did drugs in college.
View Original Post Here
September 24th, 2008
Hey, everybody, Clay Aiken is gay! The singer, who recently became a dad, has come out of the closet in an exclusive interview with People. In related news, the sky is blue.NOTE: Hats off to the folks over at Dateline Hollywood for creating hilarious variations, like the one above, of Clay’s coming out issue. Looking forward to seeing you tackle the imminent Ricky Martin issue.
View Original Post Here
September 24th, 2008
Alright, folks, this is huge. What you’re seeing are EXCLUSIVE bikini pics of Jessica Alba in Cabo San Lucas today with her husband Cash Warren and their rarely-seen daughter Honor Marie. But that’s not important right now. What is important is A. That butt. (So that’s what heaven looks like…) And B. I got an EXCLUSIVE. Trust me, no one’s more shocked than I am. It feels like I just scored a touchdown in the Super Bowl. Except the end zone is made entirely of breasts and LEGOs. Hey, it’s my fantasy.
View Original Post Here
September 23rd, 2008
Hugh Hefner is still knocking down rumors that Holly Madison ditched him for Criss Angel. Of course, it doesn’t help that Holly and Criss were spotted in Vegas together over the weekend, but Hugh acknowledges there’s a transition in place, Us Magazine reports:
“She is still my girlfriend,” he tells Usmagazine.com in a new interview. “Now will that last? I don’t think anything lasts forever.
“I love her very much, but you know, she wants very much to get married and have children. That isn’t very much in the cards for me,” he adds. “So there has to be a certain reality there. And I’m sure the time will come when she’ll be dating others. That’s part of the transition.”
Translation: Soon, Holly Madison’s next crumpled up wad of bills won’t be sitting next to a bottle of Viagra, but by a pile of handcuff necklaces, Hot Topic receipts and, I’m calling it: Douche Bronzer.
View Original Post Here
September 23rd, 2008
Here’s Lindsay Lohan showing some cuppage while leaving Roxy over the weekend. Because sometimes, during these tumultuous times, it’s comforting to know there are some constants. In this case, Lindsay having huge breasts. Honestly, I should write a self-help book. I would freaking school Deepak Chopra. SCHOOL.
View Original Post Here
September 23rd, 2008
Dear Kim Kardashian,Recently, you stated on your blog that you weigh “right under 120 lbs.” When many commenters on The Superficial and on your site, before they were erased, rightfully cried “Bullshit!” (Including myself who, physically possessing half your mass, weighs 145 lbs), you posted an update saying you would videotape yourself getting on a scale. You’ve since edited that update to say you would slide yourself into a pair of size 27 jeans then posted a video of yourself doing just that.Kim, this proves nothing. (Except that you have access to butter.) So, here’s my proposal to you to end these shenanigans once and for all:I challenge you, Kim Kardashian, to walk into any department store and step on a scale in front of a random camera crew. I’d be more than happy to meet you there and show you how a scale works in case you’re not familiar with the process. What can I say? I’m a gentleman.Should you weigh 120 lbs or less, I will write a post encouraging folks to vote for you on Dancing with the Stars provided you don’t get kicked off tonight. I will also concede that you don’t wear a buttpad. (Even though we both know the truth. *wink*)Should you weigh 121 lbs or more, you will walk around with “The Superficial.com” written prominently on your spacious rear while traversing downtown LA. – in a bikini.Or you could simply come clean and admit you’re at least a buck forty. Ball’s in your court – unless Khloe ate it, in which case, I’ll FedEx over another one.Sincerely,The Superficial WriterP.S. Thanks for reading the site!
View Original Post Here
September 22nd, 2008
Next Posts
Previous Posts
