For the three of you wondering, Mariah Carey is still married to Nick Cannon and even threw a birthday party for him last night at Pure nightclub. I guess he gets one public appearance with Mariah a month, and in return she’s allowed to drain the youth from him then sleep unfettered in a hyperbolic chamber. Not that that’s a bad thing because, damn! It’s working. At this rate, Mariah will look like she’s in her 20’s by Christmas while Nick Cannon will morph into Redd Foxx and finally experience the indirect thrill of people recognizing him. Dreams do come true!
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October 8th, 2008
Here’s some news that’s so retarded it has to be true: Jamie Lynn Spears is reportedly pregnant again. Turns out no one told her breastfeeding isn’t a form of a birth control. Surprise! In the meantime, I can only assume Lynne Spears is waiting until Jamie Lynn is a mother of three to give her the sex talk. But, hey, that’s between them, God and an army of future rednecks pouring out of a teenage vagina. The National Enquirer reports:
“Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical,” revealed a close source. “Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they’re trying to keep the news from getting out.”
“Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding,” said the close source. “She’d expected to have her period by early September.” A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.
Her mother Lynne was livid when she found out, divulged an insider.
Okay, in all fairness, something similar happened to a friend of mine, so I’m going to tell Jamie Lynn the same thing I told her: “If I stole your car, drove to Mexico and changed my name to Juan Testiculos so I wouldn’t have to pay child support, how mad would you be? On a scale of 1 to - how do you start this thing?”May these words provide comfort in your time of need, The Superficial.
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October 8th, 2008
These are shots from Britney Spears’ upcoming video “Womanizer.” Here’s an exclusive rundown of her characters only on The Superficial:1. Porn star Britney. “Did y’all just tape us doing it? Ha, you guys! That’s gross.”2. Cocktail waitress Britney. “What do you mean babies don’t drink brandy?”3. Secretary Britney. “Listen, I’m gonna dance for y’all and we’ll just forget I tried to photocopy a pizza. Womanizer, womanizer, please don’t dock my pay-anizer.“
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October 8th, 2008
