Archive for October 10th, 2008
Dear Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt,I regret to inform you that your dopey mugs will no longer be featured on The Superficial.After conducting a thoroughly scientific survey where I let people call you assholes, it’s been almost unanimously determined our readers prefer the STD Tower of Lank above over you two. Let me repeat that: PEOPLE WOULD RATHER READ ABOUT PARIS HILTON THAN LOOK AT YOUR FACES. Frankly, I don’t even know how someone accomplishes such a feat, but you two pulled off in spades.However, to show that I’m not an unreasonable man and for the sake of journalist integrity, I will make the following exceptions in allowing you on this site:1. Heidi wears a bikini.2. Heidi covers her topless chest in maple syrup while stumping for Sarah Palin at a Klan rally.I hope at this time you two will respect that democracy has triumphed here today, and I wish you absolutely zero success in your future endeavors. In fact, I started going to church just so I could pray Heidi gets pregnant.Sincerely,The Superficial Writer.P.S. Paris, if you’re reading this, I just FEDEX’d you a steak. EAT IT.EDIT: This is the real deal, folks. Let it never be said I’m not a good and righteous ruler of the Interwebs.
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October 10th, 2008
This one’s for you, ladies (and The Geekologie Writer):Zac Efron of High School Musical fame is eyeing up the controversial role in Equus that’s currently played by Harry Potter himself Daniel Radcliffe. Daniel was looking to shed his child star image and took the part which requires a full-frontal nude scene with a horse. Now Zac is looking to get in on the wang-dangling action. The Sun reports:
Zac let slip at the London premiere of High School Musical 3, saying: “You know that Daniel Radcliffe role on Broadway, well it’s been mentioned.”
He is clearly hoping to shed his wholesome image, having just finished shooting period drama Me and Orson Welles alongside CLAIRE DANES.
He said: ”I would love to just sit down and talk with LEONARDO DICAPRIO and JOHNNY DEPP and pick their brains about their early careers. They do it because they love it, not because they enjoy being famous. You have to have good foresight and be really careful. If you don’t adapt and learn at a very young age, you can really mess up.”
Hey, if flashing your penis to a room full of people is acting, then call me Leonard Fucking Nimoy. Unless the room is air-conditioned, then call me Tiny Kevin Connolly. Ha ha! I can kick this kid all day. He’s like a hackey sack!
Photos: WENN
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October 10th, 2008
Ha ha! Remember Crazy Britney? Good times. Except when it comes to taking the blame which brings us to Lynne Spears who continues to promote her new book Through the Storm: How I Pimped My Children Then Profited from their Downfall Thanks to Your Purchase. Today she stopped by FOX News’ The Morning Show With Mike and Juliet where Lynne convinced nobody but herself that she cashed in on her kids:On Britney and Jamie Lynn’s careers:“People think I was this stage mom, that I was pushing my daughters to do what they did. I was actually their cheerleader. I have never been their manager, that’s never been my role. I was the one that got their coffee in the morning and [got them] out of bed.”On Kevin Federline:“I do like Kevin. He has been good to us,” she says. “Kevin could have been a real pill about a lot of things, but he wasn’t. He worked with us and has really tried to make everything good for the boys. He has thought about them through all of this.”On Sarah Palin:“I’m glad she didn’t have to go through as much scrutiny as I did. Nobody wants their children to have these kinds of hardships or bumps. Who would want that?”Some conspiracy theorists (Read: Me) theorize that Lynne Spears slept with Kevin Federline thus sending Britney into a psychological tail spin. And, is it me, or did Lynne just admit that when she said “I do like Kevin.”? Everyone knows it’s scientifically impossible to like something but not have sex with it. Coincidentally, this is also the same excuse I used for why I ruined the turkey during Thanksgiving dinner last year. I expect the same response here: SUCCESS!
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October 10th, 2008
