Gossip Weblog

Gossip: Jenny McCarthy claims magical healing powers

Jenny McCarthy has been on a crusade telling people that her son caught autism from childhood vaccinations, no matter what those know-nothings at the American Academy of Pediatrics say. Now she says that that—surprise!—he’s cured, and it’s all thanks to taking away his milk and sitting him in front of the tee-vee. Oh yeah, and prayer. Us Weekly reports:

The actress—who believes the MMR vaccine was to blame for her son’s diagnosis —says a strict no wheat-and-dairy-free diet has changed her son from a quiet little boy who used to flail his arms around to a loving six-year-old.
“Before the vaccination, he was huggy, lovey, snuggly,” she says in the newest issue of Us Weekly. “Then it was like someone came down and stole him.”
McCarthy, 36, remembers when Evan began to come out of his shell while watching a SpongeBob episode. “I heard Evan laugh…I jumped on the bed and started screaming.”
She adds, “When he finally hugged me, I prayed, ‘Please God don’t let this be the only time.’”
McCarthy has become an outspoken advocate for autism awareness, often courting controversy along the way (doctors have accused her of creating fear of necessary vaccines). She’s the bestselling author of five books, including her newest, Mother Warriors: A Nation of Parents Healing Autism Against All Odds. She’s also constantly researching on sites like like AgeofAutism.com and GenerationRescue.org
“I made a deal with God,” she explains. “I said, ‘You fix my boy, you show me the way and I’ll teach the world how I did it.’”

Wow, that’s some miraculous shit, but it’s not unheard of in medical history. I once cured myself of leprosy with a bacon double cheeseburger, a liter of Gatorade and an Aqua Teen Hunger Force marathon. At least I think it was leprosy. When I told my doctor about it later he said it was probably just a hangover, but frankly I’m not so sure about his qualifications. Once he tried to stick his finger in my ass and told me it was to make sure I didn’t have cancer. I know—total quack, right?

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Add comment October 17th, 2008

Gossip: Miley Cyrus’ boyfriend is getting some

Miley Cyrus attended the Christian Audiger show during LA Fashion Week to see her model boyfriend Justin Gaston. Whenever he walked by, photographers caught Miley seductively sticking her tongue out at him. And you know what that means. I’m pretty sure that’s not the secret Jesus “Hello” wave. (No banana.) You know Billy Ray Cyrus saw these and is in a cabin somewhere setting his mullet to “KILL.” Or at least he’s trying to but “Gotdammit! Who used all the Aqua-Net?”

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Add comment October 17th, 2008

Celeb Gossip: Colin Farrell proves that doing drugs will get you laid

Many have pondered the secret to banging a Playboy playmate and getting her to let you document the event on film. Is it money? The right cologne? Some kind of voodoo ritual involving a decapitated chicken? Nope, it’s getting hammered on drugs. Just ask Colin Farrell! The Sun reports:

COLIN FARRELL was off his head on drugs when he agreed to film his infamous sex tape.The Minority Report star, who is now tee-total, filmed an X-rated romp with Playboy model NICOLE NARAIN back in 2003.But as with most decisions made under the influence, Colin wishes he had been sober when she suggested shooting their nookie.He said: “I think I was high… It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

At the time? Hell, it seems like an even better idea now. Hopefully some government-funded agency can get Farrell’s permission to use the footage in a PSA:

This is Colin Farrell. This is Colin Farrell on drugs. This is Colin Farrell on drugs, going balls-deep with a piece of tail that your sober ass was probably fantasizing about the last time you were humping your crusty gym sock. Any questions? Paid for by the Partnership for a Playmate-Banging America.

The only problem would be getting funding for the commercial time in this time of financial crisis, but they can divert the cash from FEMA. It’s not like disaster survivors are going to do anything to help you improve your sex life, the selfish pricks.

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Add comment October 17th, 2008