Archive for November, 2008
Liz Hurley: She’s hot, she’s British, she’s totally violent. Hugh Grant’s ex returned to her London home yesterday, her Louis Vuitton suitcase smartly accessorized by a set of skinned, bloody knuckles. Which is sexy and everything, but I’ve talked to her over and over again about her possessive streak. I’m flattered that you feel the need to defend my honor, Liz, but you really should have heard Kate Beckinsale out about her proposed three-way before decking her. It’s really not that bad of an idea, especially with Christmas coming up. Think about it, and I’ll totally stop hounding you about getting me a puppy this year, I promise.
Photos: Splash News
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November 27th, 2008
There’s been something missing from Whitney Houston’s life since her 2007 divorce from Bobby Brown. Namely, someone who’ll cuddle with at night, pack and light her crack pipe, and cure her constipation by digging around in her butt with his fingers. But those dark, lonely days may be coming to an end. The Chicago Sun-Times reports:
We’ve heard it before, but folks inside Whitney Houston’s circle of pals again insist the on-the-rebound diva and ex-husband Bobby Brown may be getting back together.The official word from Camp Houston sticks to to the old line about the divorced couple remaining separate, ”but good friends whose primary interest is the well-being of their daughter.” Yet, several Georgia sightings of Houston and Brown in recent days—clearly looking very romantic while dining together—seem to boost the reliability of what I’m hearing. I’m also hearing that the divorced couple’s daughter Bobbi Kristina is eager for her parents to remarry.
Hallelujah, it’s a holiday miracle! And they’re doing it for the right reason, too—their kid. In this age of broken homes, too many children go to bed at night, unhaunted by visions of Daddy trying to smoke his own dandruff while Mommy screams at the invisible man in the corner. But Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are doing their part to reverse this disturbing societal trend. Could dual UN ambassadorships be far behind?
Photos: WENN
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November 27th, 2008
Britney Spears (seen here in Frankfurt, Germany yesterday) is “crash dieting” to drop at least seven pounds before performing on X Factor this weekend, according to the Daily Mail:
A source said: ‘She goes to bed hungry and is dieting so hard she’s suffering from insomnia, anxiety, flushes and shakes. Her father and the people around her are trying to get her to eat more, but Britney is determined not to be criticised for having any extra bulk.’
Britney’s people reportedly became alarmed when she only ordered two Whoppers at Burger King last night as opposed to her usual five. (One for each hand, foot and mouth.) Her father Jamie wept for hours, cradling his knees in the corner and asking “Where’d my little girl go? Where’d she go?” He used to love kissing her forehead at night, the smell of pepperoni pizza still clinging in her hair. Not anymore, my friends. Not anymore…
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November 27th, 2008
Hey, guys, I’ll be taking off the next two days for some R&R, but The Superficial will return to it’s regularly scheduled posting on Saturday Nov. 29. For those who haven’t noticed: Yes, Virginia, there’s posting on the weekends now. Whee!In the meantime, here’s pics of Kim Kardashian who’s thankful this year for paparazzi that don’t always go for the ass shot and, as usual, O.J. Simpson’s prior access to knives.Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!
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November 26th, 2008
Christina Aguilera in a desperate attempt to impress her 10-month-old kid Max, wants to learn how to cook bad-for-your-arteries type of food.
Christina says, “My mom loves to cook really southern, good, buttery, salty, delicious, bad-for-your-arteries kind of food, but it is amazing, and I hope to be a cook like that someday because one thing that I look forward to whenever I do go home is tasting my mom’s home cooking.
“I want to do the same for Max. Cooking is my next goal in life to achieve.”
Well we just hope that the bad-for-your-arteries kind of food doesn’t turn out bad for her kid.
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November 26th, 2008
A topless Dita Von Teese appears in the December issue of Playboy Germany and, sonofabitch, that’s it. I’m moving to Germany. I thought this country was kickass, but when we can’t even get Dita Von Teese to pose in our Playboy, it’s time to pack it in and start selling states to Canada. I’m not even joking. Which is why I’d like to announce the launch of my new site: Das Oberflächliche.com! Sieg Heil, bitches.NOTE: Pics to link NSFW versions which give new meaning to the scientific term “nipples the size of dinner plates.”
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November 26th, 2008
Remember when I said Britney Spears should never leave the house without being airbrushed? I forgot one important fact: You can’t airbrush trailer park. Seriously, did Britney shoot this Rolling Stone cover herself? “Here’s mah belly, y’all! It’ll sell them maggerzines.” Anyway, if you can’t tell, the latest issue features an interview with “new and improved” Britney who keeps getting more precious every time she talks. And by more precious I mean someone’s getting an ear bit off soon:On her new subdued life:“I feel like an old person now,” she says one afternoon, as a manicurist applies rhinestones and girly pink lacquer to her chewed-up nails. “I do! I go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night, and I don’t go out or anything, you know what I mean? I just feel like an old fart.”On her appearance:She says she’s considering lopping off the weave she’s worn since shaving her head in 2007, and when she counts up her tattoos — “Seven! Oh, my God, y’all!” — she falls back into the couch giggling, kicking her feet in the air.On her dad’s iron fist:She is watched over day and night by security guards Jamie hired (and she’s paying for); it’s also rumored that Britney’s phone calls are closely monitored and that she’s not allowed to drive her own Mercedes. Recently, says one source with ties to the Britney camp, Jamie fired a guard who let the singer use his phone. (Her rep denies the claim.)On Kevin Federline:“They don’t look like their father at all,” she continues. “And it’s weird ’cause they’re starting to learn words like ‘stupid,’ and Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn’t get it from us. He must get it from his daddy. I say it, but not around my kids.”Oh, wow, that’s fucking awesome: Britney Spears criticizing Kevin Federline’s parenting. Amazing. First, it was her dad completely turning her life around and saving her from lying dead in a ditch of crazy. Now, it’s Kevin Federline, who may be a douche, but didn’t use their sons as coasters. At this point, I’m pretty sure you could drop Britney in the desert with a canteen, and she’d bitch about the water: “Why is this dumb shit keeping me hydrated? I hate you, wet stuff!”In fact, let’s do that. I’ll rent the chopper.
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November 25th, 2008
Christina Aguilera arrives with a bang at American Music Awards.
Tag: christina aguilera pregnancy
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November 25th, 2008
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