Archive for November, 2008
Jamie Spears has apparently had enough of Britney’s yapping and dished out “The Muzzle” this afternoon while plowing through a crowd at LAX. Am I the only one who stood up and clapped? Anyone?BRITNEY: But, dad, if I say there’s a bomb in my hat they’ll move.JAMIE: Jesus Christ! *THE MUZZLE*BRITNEY: Hrmrmmnffmrn.JAMIE: This is exactly why I don’t want you seeing that Adnan fellow.BRITNEY: Buff he’fe Bwiffish!JAMIE: Will someone get her a cookie.BRITNEY: KOOFFIE!
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November 25th, 2008
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt reportedly eloped in Cabo San Lucas on Thursday November 20. The two exchanged vows, and Spencer, keeping true to his deep spiritual connection with Heidi, bartered his with Perez Hilton for some free publicity:
Heidi, from the moment you came into my life, I knew my life would never be the same without you. You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person. Being with you, I feel complete. I’m honored to even be able to call you my wife. You are the most amazing, loving and caring woman on this planet. I will love you forever and always.
Wrapping up this post quickly, I should be honest and admit I bought these two a wedding gift. While taking personal joy in watching their last feeble stunt at relevancy, I couldn’t resist picking up a copy of “Phil Hartman’s Guide to a Successful Marriage.” May it guide Heidi and Spencer on their journey of love, discovery and, God willing, heated arguments with a loaded firearm handy.Cheers.
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November 24th, 2008
Saturday night fashion designer Christian Audigier threw his daughter Crystal Rock a 16th birthday party in Hollywood that makes every single episode of My Super Sweet 16 look like it was filmed at goddamn Chuck E. Cheese. Take a look at what he sprung for:1. Two cars delivered by Paris and Nicky Hilton. Who doesn’t love a grim look at the future?2. T.I. Because sweet 16′s are totally gangsta, dawg.3. The Pussycat Dolls. What’s a birthday party without strippers? Mazal tov!4. Miley Cyrus’ boyfriend Justin Gaston. Minus the Miley, add extra gay.5. Khloe Kardashian. So everyone felt more beautiful by comparison. Good thinking.Jesus, with a shindig like this I’m surprised there wasn’t a secret room full of blood diamonds and baby panda skins. Her parents must hate her.
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November 24th, 2008
Megan Fox recently attended the GQ Men of the Year Awards where she drank herself stupid and revealed she has a disturbing thing for High School Musical‘s Zac Efron, according to Page Six:
The stunning Fox drank enough to confess to a Page Six operative that teen idol Zac Efron was her crush, stating, “I’m obsessed with him. What you don’t know is that Zac and I are the same person . . . it’s like Janet and Michael [Jackson], we are the same person.”
So, anyone else getting the impression Megan Fox wants to do her own brother? Or is that just me?
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November 24th, 2008
Kim Kardashian and Robert Shapiro debuted their online shoe service Shoe Dazzle at the Rohn Padmore Red Carpet Suite this weekend. Because nothing sells women’s footwear like the guy who helped O.J. beat a murder rap. I’m guessing after every 10th purchase you’re allowed to stab somebody, and Bob Shapiro will talk it down to a parking ticket. *click click click click* What’s the fastest way to Heidi and Spencer’s house?NOTE: Video after the jump depicts a cameraman’s epic struggle between filming shoes or zooming in on Kim Kardashian’s cleavage. Think Spartacus but without all that acting and plot crap.
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November 23rd, 2008
When Old Lady McGrossBoobs isn’t pretending to be Paris Hilton, she spends her free time trying to sue Hulk Hogan into paying for shit. She currently rakes in $40 grand a month in spousal support, but how can she send her boytoy Charley to sea school on such paltry funds? I mean, Christ, where’s the humanity? TMZ reports:
Charley Hill wants to go to sea school, and Linda wants Hulk to pay for what could be the next Captain & Tennille. Getting back to why $40,000 isn’t enough, Linda blew $14 grand at a Bev Hills Doctor’s office this week. Hulk says it’s for cosmetic surgery.
Sea school, huh? I’m guessing Charley wants to be around some fresh fish for a change. Um, because he loves Red Lobster so much. Yeah, that’s exactly what I meant…NOTE: Christina Aguilera in five years. I’m calling it.
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November 23rd, 2008
Middle-aged? Recently dumped by your respectable-looking musician boyfriend/husband? Don’t worry. David Spade’s gonna make everything alright. OK! Magazine reports:
The Desperate Housewives star was celebrating her 45th birthday at new L.A. hot spot Luau in Beverly Hills — the same place they were spotted together a few weeks ago at the grand opening — and onlookers tell OK!, “Nicolette and David were full-on making out!”
The duo arrived separately and even started the dinner at separate booths but couldn’t resist each other for long! According to witnesses, Spade winked at Sheridan and stood at her side while she blew out the candles on her cake. After that, the two retreated to a booth where they cuddled and kissed.
Is there anyone David Spade hasn’t banged? From Heather Locklear to Playboy Bunnies to now Nicollete Sheridan, the guy’s penis has been there. Obviously, women find it attractive when a small man makes love to them then vanishes in a “POOF” of green clovers and red balloons.I should be writing this down…
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November 23rd, 2008
Travis Barker is filing a negligence lawsuit against the owners and makers of the Learjet that left four people dead and the former Blink 182 drummer, along with DJ AM, severely burnt. According to recordings released by the Federal Aviation Administration this week, the plane had hit a speed of 153 mph when a tire blew. The Monday morning quarterback consensus is the pilots should’ve taken off and burnt off fuel. Instead they drove off the runway which brings us to Travis’ suit. E! News reports:
Per court documents filed Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court, Barker’s camp believes that “one or more of the tires failed, leaving tire debris and portions of airplane components along the 8,600 foot runway” and the pilot made a “negligent attempt to abort the takeoff.”
“The pilot’s decision was a breach of their duty owed to the passengers onboard and was a substantial factor in causing the crash and resultant injuries and deaths,” the suit continues.
Moreover, the jet’s “landing gear, tires, wheels, brakes, reverse thrust system, squat switches and component parts were not airworthy.”
“Statistically speaking, it’s still the safest way to travel.” – SupermanThen again, this is coming from an asshole who wears his underwear outside his pants. I’ll take the bus.
Photo: WENN
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November 22nd, 2008
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