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Archive for December 21st, 2008

Celeb News: Kirsten Dunst attempts to fill void left by Tara Reid

With Tara Reid in rehab, someone has to become Hollywood’s once-aspiring actress who can’t keep her face out of the drink. Enter Kirsten Dunst. Here she is drunkenly leaving Bardot last night with her male companion The Cosby Sweater Bandit. Seeing Kirsten like this has made me exponentially more interested in the upcoming production of Spider-man 4.Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 1TOBEY: I’m here to rescue you, MJ!KIRSTEN: MJ? Shit, you holdin’?SAM RAIMI: CUT!Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 3TOBEY: I’m here to res – JESUS!KIRSTEN: What? No full-frontal? I’ll be in my trailer.TOBEY: That’s a Port-a-JohnKIRSTEN: Jealous?Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 5TOBEY: I’m here to rescue you, MJ!KIRSTEN: *pees on Dr. Octupus*Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 8TOBEY: I’m here to rescue you, MJ!KIRSTEN: Remember during the first movie when we dated? Well, I never told you this, but you got me pregnant. I kept the child, and she’s secretly lived with me to this day. Crying herself to sleep every night asking “Where’s daddy?”TOBEY: Oh my God…KIRSTEN: Ha! PSYCHE! I had an abortion.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

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Gossip: Jennifer Aniston’s new movie must blow

Well, it’s official: Marley & Me is a steaming pile of FAIL sauce ala suck. For the second night in a row, Jennifer Aniston has allowed herself to be photographed in public with John Mayer. Clearly, she’s basking in the final minutes of her fame because after this movie hits, these two could have an orgy in Central Park with The Rockettes, and nobody would bat an eye. Unless you count me on the sidelines yelling “Let’s see some more kicking, ladies!” while trying to pretend John Mayer is an ill-placed fleshy park bench. I’m particular about my holiday cheer.

Photos: Splash News

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Add comment December 21st, 2008

Celeb News: Kevin Federline has a new lady

Kevin Federline took his Britney-replacement beach volleyball player Victoria Prince to Tao in Vegas last night, and if that’s not the face of a man who just impregnated a woman, I don’t know what is. (Read: I’m sterile. Ladies?)NOTE: Also included Suge Knight scoping out K-Fed’s ass, and loving what he sees, because sometimes its important to remember we live in an insanely random universe – that I’m probably getting shot in. Whee.