Anyone else think Former Miss Britain Danielle Lloyd has the face of a retarded Drew Barrymore? Redundant, I know, and also a trick question. Danielle Lloyd doesn’t even have a face. Ha! Can’t believe you fell for that.
Add comment December 23rd, 2008
Seen here standing by her new pink Bentley yesterday, Paris Hilton is confident that whoever burglarized her home has been there before. “We have some suspects that I’m thinking of,” she tells E! News:
“Obviously it’s devastating and disturbing that someone was in my home,” Hilton said. “[But] we have three security guards there and a 24-hour guard who is always on my property. We have the alarm on, [we have] the dogs, the guards with the gun, so no one is going to be coming into my house.”
Hilton also has a message for the person or persons responsible for shattering her sense of security:
“I would tell them to please return my things, because I know they’re probably watching E! News right now, to return everything and that’s it,” she told us.
“They just have to anonymously have a taxi drop it off in my front gate in a box with my jewelry and everything. They won’t get in trouble. But if all this goes on for much longer, they’re going to get in more trouble.”
Let’s look at the clues, super sleuths: The perpetrator has obviously been invited into Paris’ bedroom recently which means our suspect list includes every goddamn male with a functioning penis in a 50 mile radius. Definitely gonna need DNA samples. Hmm… Hey, Geekologist, how’s the pitching arm today?
Add comment December 23rd, 2008
In a sad commentary on society as a whole, probably the most pervasive news item today has to be Twilight star Robert Pattinson’s new haircut. Here he is, obviously in character as any grunge guitar player from 1992 – 1996, no longer looking like he just rolled out of bed then had two bong hits for breakfast. Has Robert cursed the Twilight franchise forever? Will teenage girls still try to get pregnant so he can bite their babies? Tune in next week for a special episode of The Superficial Writer Tries to Give a Shit but Gives Up and Makes a Sandwich. Now with more Mustard!
Add comment December 23rd, 2008
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