New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady reportedly proposed to supermodel Gisele Bundchen on a private plane Christmas Eve, according to TMZ:
Our sources say Brady, who is famous for his QB skills and running errands for Gisele, proposed on a private jet that took off from Teterboro Airport in New Jersey and landed in Boston. There were four dozen white roses on board, as well as champagne.
However, Tom’s dad is telling the Boston Globe there is no engagement:
“We don’t know a thing about it,” Tom’s dad told us yesterday. “Nobody told me. We talked to him and there’s nothing to say. It’s rumor, rumor, rumor. It must be a slow news day.”
Of course, Tom’s dad could just be creating smoke and mirrors, so I better have sex with Gisele Bundchen just to be sure – and for the sake of journalism. Because, dammit, the people have a right to know! God, I’m selfless.
When a father sees his little girl overcoming adversity to become a superstar, his heart fills with unimaginable pride and joy. Except for Jamie Spears who did that shit the first time and would prefer his joy in the form of greenbacks. The AP reports:
Jamie Spears had been receiving $10,000 a month for his work, but Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Reva Goetz increased that amount to approximately $16,000 per month and agreed to give him backpay. He was also granted an additional $1,200 monthly payment so he can maintain an office, which Goetz said was justified by his work getting his daughter’s personal life — and music career — back on track.
So, by my math, Jamie Spears is now pulling in an annual salary of $894,000 $206,400 (It’s early!) for making sure his 26-year-old daughter wears underwear. I gotta get me a special kid. Any ladies out there have a uterus I can borrow for eight to nine months? Here are the terms:1. Greatest minute or less of your life!2. No child support.3. Guarantee that if child doesn’t grow up to be a superstar, we’ll tell her she’s adopted then send her on a quest to find her birth parents. And by we I mean you. I’ll be in Reno explaining to bookies how my baby mama couldn’t even land a record deal, so please don’t break my fingers.Sound awesome? Hell yeah it does! American Dream, here we come!
You’re nothing in this world without good friends. Just ask my stuffed animal collection. Or Brody Jenner. Who’s wicked-psyched for his Hills castmate Whitney Port and her new show, and he wants her and the rest of the world to know it. Even though it sort of makes her his competition. Which would traditionally call for a knife fight. Regular Mother Teresa, that guy. But less wimpy. Man, it would be so cool to be Brody Jenner’s friend. He’d probably let you scratch your back with his beard stubble when it itches. That would be awesome. Or at least marginally better than drinking a milkshake laced with the ebola virus. I’m pretty certain. Check out Brody’s shout-out to Whitney Port. It’ll fill you with a warm glow like nothing else can this holiday season. Or at least it won’t bum you out as much as that time you accidentally licked gravy from between a homeless guy’s toes. It would probably be a good idea to drop him a line at BrodyJenner.com and let him know what a pillar of graciousness he is. The world owes him that much.
