Archive for January 8th, 2009
Remember when Jake Gyllenhaal would always play the role of the wistful outcast teenager who mumbled all his lines? Well, somebody just sold that kid some steroids. I’m not about to point any fingers here, but if Reese Witherspoon doesn’t fit the M.O. of a drug dealer, then I just gave the cops a really bad tip. And might’ve told them her chin was a deadly weapon.I’m going to Google non-extradition countries now.
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January 8th, 2009
Seen here apparently wearing my bathrobe in public, Sarah Jessica Parker is getting the ready to hit the ol’ dusty trail and move away from the allegedly unfaithful Matthew Broderick, according to Star:
“The time has come when she realizes it just isn’t worth it,” a friend of the couple tells Star. “Sarah Jessica is determined to get her own place and bring down the curtain on her marriage.”
Adds another insider: “Sarah’s not stupid. She knows exactly what’s going on. For a while it was easier for her to stay than go through a harsh divorce. They’re essentially living separate lives.”
Matthew Broderick’s penis released the following statement:
I’m still not coming out and you can’t make me. Not without a coroner’s report, and I’m allowed to identify the body. Oh, God, there she is! Wait. Just a horse. Just a horse.
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January 8th, 2009
Mischa Barton posted some bikini pics on her website from the beaches of Goa. And, seriously, kudos to Mischa for not entirely airbrushing out the cellulite. Most celebs would’ve covered that shit right up. Including myself who’d probably pay George Lucas to CGI my leg into an X-Wing fighter. Ladies?
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January 8th, 2009
