Archive for January, 2009
These are shots of Hilary Duff in the Bahamas with her hockey player boyfriend Mike Comrie, who’s actually the only person on vacation in these photos. Hilary is just continuing her daily routine of doing jackshit but in a different location. Seriously, what does Hilary Duff even do these days? I’d be impressed if you told me she bagged her own groceries at the supermarket the other week. Or at least said “plastic” then took a nap in the checkout lane.
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January 26th, 2009
Lindsay Lohan and little sister Ali did some shopping this weekend in New York where Lindsay frightened onlookers with her increasingly rail-thin figure. It’s gotten to the point where you can see her spine through her clothing which proves my theory about lesbians: They have bones. Ha, I win, scientific community! Who’s laughing now?!
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January 25th, 2009
Forced to hoof it thanks to his recently suspended license, Shia LaBeouf made a trip to the liquor store last night and decided to put a bag over his head to thwart the paparazzi – who took pictures of him anyway. Because it’s Shia LaBeouf with a fucking bag over his head. Either he’s been knocking back Jager or about to fight crime which is pretty much the same thing isn’t it? My bad.
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January 25th, 2009
In a recent interview with Paper Magazine, Scientologist Bijou Phillips went off on psychiatric medication, basically telling everybody with depression to just man up. Us Weekly reports:
“My grandparents didn’t take any pills, and they were fine,” Phillips said in the February issue of Paper. “Just buck up and get over it. Stop being such a f—king pansy.”The budding actress frequents Scientology-sponsored events and spoke out against psychiatry and prescribing patients with medication for such mental illnesses as depression or anxiety.
Yeah, I usually find the best treatment for people with depression is to call them a fucking pansy as well. Because no amount of medication or psychiatric help can compete with just telling somebody to stop being depressed. It works for other things too. Just the other day I saw a guy running around on fire screaming for help and I was like “Hey, quit it!” So then he fell to the ground, stopped moving, and the fire eventually went out. I never saw him again once the paramedics pulled the white sheet over his face, but I bet he’s doing great now.
Photos: WENN
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January 25th, 2009
Here’s Shauna Sand on Miami Beach giving the most seductive look I’ve ever seen on any woman. How do you resist that? Sure, humping a lawn chair would probably feel exactly the same and require way less effort, but never underestimate the beauty of a permanent Spock eyebrow which you’ll now notice in every single shot. You’re welcome.
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January 24th, 2009
Tom Cruise is on a media blitzkrieg to win back his female fans who he alienated after his public criticism of Brooke Shields taking medication for postpartum depression. Here are the bad habits Tom’s PR people are hoping he’ll kick to reel in the vagina crowd, according to Star:- No talking about Scientology.- No wearing sunglasses on the red carpet.- No showing up to premieres in fancy cars.- Appear on women-friendly shows like The View. “It’s all very calculated.”- No man-handling the Katie. At least in public. “Tom needs to quit grabbing her arm and pulling her around. The idea is to make him the kinder, gentler Tom, not a controlling husband with a Stepford wife.”Ladies, be honest with me. If Tom Cruise played beach volleyball topless on a jet while showering you with Tiffany jewelry, would you believe he’s not going to chain you to the dishwasher then hit on your brother after a free E-Meter reading? Of course not. Which is why the career Hail Mary, Top Gun 2, better have a T-Rex fight an F-16. I rest my case.
Photos: WENN
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January 24th, 2009
Kanye West took to his blog to deny false reports that he is open to doing bisexual porn. His argument? The freshness of his suit above. You can’t make this shit up:
YOOOO WHY WON’T YOU LET ME BE GREAT!!! I HAD THE TWO GREATEST DAYS OF MY LIFE AND WHEN I GET BACK FROM THE LOUIE SHOW I READ SOME SHIT CLAIMING I SAID I’M DOWN TO DO PORN AND SOME BISEXUAL PORN!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE THE AVN WOULD POST FIRST PEOPLE BELIEVED THE TWITTER/STEVEN COLBERT THING, ROLLING STONE EVEN PRINTED IT!!!! NOW SOMEBODY HAS BEEN HACKING INTO MY MYSPACE AND SOMEBODY’S ACTUALLY HACKED INTO MY PERSONAL GMAIL ACCOUNT AND HAS BEEN EMAILING PEOPLE FROM IT… HEY WORLD I NO LONGER HAVE A GMAIL! I FOUND OUT I HAD TWELVE UNAUTHORIZED SKYPE ACCOUNTS UNDER MY NAME!!! THIS ALL IN THE PAST FOUR DAYS. WELCOME TO KANYE WEST WORLD! …. IT’S NOT OFFICIAL. I JUST GAVE THE PERFORMANCE OF MY LIFETIME FOR OUR NEW PRESIDENT … THEN I FLEW TO PARIS AND THEY DEBUTED MY NEW SHOES THAT I DESIGNED WITH LOUIE VUITTON WHICH WAS A DREAM COME TRUE. PLEASE I BEG YOU, GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME BE GREAT!!! WHO HAVE I HURT SO BAD THAT THEY WANT TO DESTROY ME? WHO HAVE I EVER SPOKE ABOUT SO NEGATIVELY? I JUST WAS SPEAKING WITH OUR NEW PRESIDENT TWO DAYS AGO… AND NOW THIS…. SIDEBAR… NEVER TAKE A PICTURE FROM MY OBAMA PERFORMANCE AND PUT IT NEXT TO A BS QUOTE LIKE THAT! THAT’S IN POOR TASTE! THAT UNDERMINES WHAT MY CONTRIBUTION TO THAT EVENT WAS AND SLAPS EVERYBODY WHO FELT UPLIFTED BY THAT PERFORMANCE IN THE FACE! A PICTURE SAYS A THOUSAND WORDS… LOOK HOW FRESH MY SUIT IS… NUFF SAID!
So, basically, an attack on Kanye’s suit is an attack on America? Then call me a terrorist because what the fuck are you talking about?! Also, here’s something that’s great: The “Shift” key. Not only does it make your shit legible, but it doesn’t perpetuate horrible stereotypes. Seriously, your typing is a slap in the face to anyone who is uplifted by the Internet’s ability to provide people of all colors that South Park video where Stan’s dad yells “OBAMA!” Nuff said.
Photos: Getty, WENN
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January 24th, 2009
Alessandra Ambrosio did some relaxing in St. Barts yesterday while on location for Victoria’s Secret. I’m actually in these photos. You can’t see me because I’m disguised as an invisible sea turtle which is, undoubtedly, the greatest stealth costume one can wear. Until you get jet-skied in the kidney and bawl like a schoolgirl in front of a supermodel. Then it blows.
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January 23rd, 2009
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